Ed
Power Of The Person

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Power Of The Person

Commercials. L.A. Law, the Movie. For years, I thought that this was a show about French lawyers until someone pointed out that it's not Le Law, it's L.A. Law. Damned know-it-alls trying to make me look bad.

In Carol's classroom, Ed has brought gifts for all the members of the Quizbowl team: thick nerdy glasses. He tells them that they will all wear the glasses on the Quizbowl show, with their hair all messed up, so the other team will think they're freaky geniuses. Carol tells Ed she's sorry about Jackass. She says that Jackass has been acting strange lately. Ed asks why she thinks he's acting weird. Carol says it's because they're probably going to be moving in together, and he's stressing out over that. Ed about pisses himself and says, "Oh yeah?" That's Ed: king of the comebacks. Carol asks whether he has another theory? Ed doesn't. I mean...he does -- Jackass has fallen off the wagon and has been on a three-day bender -- but he decides not to tell Carol about it because he wants her to find out for herself when she ends up on the receiving end of a drunken tirade about what a lousy lay she is. Carol wishes Ed good luck with the Quizbowl, and says she'll be cheering him on. Carol walks out, and Ed looks like he just underwent prostate surgery with a pair of tweezers and a hammer from the one-two punch of being told they're going to be living together and the fact that he wasn't straightforward with her, because if he had told her that Jackass was a blubbering buffoon the night before, it'd be Ed licking figure eights on her inner thighs tonight, and not Jackass.

At the Bowl (see? Rolls right off the tongue by now, huh?), the boxing match is beginning. In the red corner, from parts unknown: the Irish Prince. In the blue corner, from parts even more unknown than the other guy: Deadly Roy. Dennis walks up to Ed, who's watching the match from a distance. Dennis says he owes him, and thanks Ed. Ed says it's okay, and Dennis adds, "For not telling Carol." The ref tells the boxers the rules, including no rabbit punches. One of the boxers asks what a rabbit punch is and the ref explains that's when you hit the guy in the back of the head. The boxer asks, "You can do that?" Jackass tells Ed to go ahead and give Gary a chance. He's not sure he can change a pair of threes in his head. The men touch gloves, and Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For A Hero" begins playing for this week's musical montage moment™. The two men are horrible boxers, fighting and slapping like little girls. Phil's shocked at their utter lack of machismo. People are running out of Stuckey Bowl like it's on fire. Between rounds, Shirley fixes the comb-over of one of the boxers. One of the boxers has had enough and grabs the ref to use as a shield. Soon, they're just holding each other, both exhausted, while the crowd has dwindled down to nothing, destroying yet another of Phil's wacky ideas to draw business to the bowling alley.

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Ed

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