Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: B+ | 4 USERS: A+
You've Gotta Fight For Your Right To Bonnie

Previously on Ed: this little ho' bag by the name of Bonnie Hane came to town and antagonized our hero and personal savior, Ed. Then she started flirting with him. Seeing as Ed hasn't been laid since his ex-wife developed a sudden interest in the U.S. Postal Service -- and more importantly, its carriers -- Ed began flirting back. They kissed. They had the sex thang. Bonnie then gave Ed the cold shoulder so Ed decided he wouldn't have anything else to do with her. Then she warmed back up to him, and like a big dumb dog, Ed dove back in for more punishment. Carol admitted that she's jealous of Ed and Bonnie, which was a really stupid thing for her to say because now she's halfway committed to being there when Bonnie dumps Ed again which is bound to happen because, as I stated earlier, Bonnie Hane is a ho' bag.

Are we all caught up now?? Good. Let's proceed to this week.

At the bowling alley, Ed and Bonnie are at the shoe rental counter, all happy and cute and earning about a 9.8 on the old Uncle Bob Sickeningly Sweet Vomit Meter. A man comes up to the counter to rent a pair of shoes, and Bonnie wants to be the one to spray them with disinfectant. THAT, my friend, is true love. She sprays them and then says, seductively, "Fresh as a mountain breeze." You can tell Ed wants to jump her bones like a wolverine, but he shows restraint. A big, loud, obnoxious fellow walks in. He looks suspiciously like famed TV and movie actor John Goodman, but everyone calls him Big Rudy. He's slapping hands, and greeting everyone by name. As it turns out, Big Rudy is the guy that Ed bought the bowling alley from all those weeks ago. He seems like a logical choice for Stuckey Bowl owner as he's about as eccentric as your average Stuckey Bowl employee. He calls Ed his esteemed successor as the captain of this creeky old schooner we call the Stuckey Bowl. He calls Kenny a big Steakasaurus (one of my all-time personal favorite dinosaurs) and asks him if he ever finished writing his novel. Kenny admits he's stuck on chapter eight. Big Rudy's eyes meet Shirley's and he shakes her hand grudgingly. He greets her and she greets him with a "Rudolph." The sexual tension is thicker than Hugh Hefner's penis. Phil quietly clues Ed in on the tension with, "There's a long and complicated history between those two." Rudy announces that he's buying drinks for the house. Ed, feeling his testosterone level drop off the charts, offers to spring for the beer nuts, as we run smack dab into the opening credits.

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