Just Friends

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: D | Grade It Now!
Their Guidance Counselor Must Be Proud

Once again, it's time for America to wrap its big, burly arms around the TV show that we love more than life itself...Ed. Or, as I like to call it, "That Show That Forces Me To Take Really Bad Notes For An Hour Straight And Then Try To Make Sense Of Them At The End."

We begin the show the same way it has begun for the first two episodes...with a recap of Ed's entire adult life bundled up neatly in a thirty-second clip-fest. Guess what NBC? The plot is simple enough for most television viewers to get a handle on without these weekly recaps. He's a lawyer. He owns a bowling alley. He's in love with a woman he can't have. We get it. It's not like anyone's going to tune in and say "Honey...when did The Simpsons become a live-action hour-long serio-drama?"

After that much-needed recap, we segue into this week's show. Ed is speaking in front of Carol's class as part of Career Day. It's obvious he's bombing badly with the students, so he decides to tell a joke. I'm no comedian, but I'll try to give it the same "oomph" that Ed did: "Why don't sharks eat lawyers? [pause] Professional courtesy." Word of advice kids...if you're giving a speech and bombing badly, do NOT pull out the Henny Youngman Book of Tired Assed Jokes and expect to win your audience over. The class, as expected, sits and stares at Ed, completely motionless. Carol decides to bail Ed out by asking if anyone has any questions. Luckily for all involved, class nerd and stalker-in-training Warren has a question. Warren asks Ed if he's ever invited a client to his office and, when they showed up, did they get turned off by the fact that Ed's office is in a bowling alley. Ed, stumped for an answer, asks the students to put their heads down on their desks and nap for the rest of the hour. As the kids stare at him, desperately trying to get a gauge on his sense of humor, the bell rings. Carol thanks Ed for speaking to her class and informs him that he may just be the second-best Career Day guest she's ever had...the first being Jack Barry, former host for the wildly popular '70s game show The Joker's Wild, which is understandable. J.B. has been a tough act to follow in Hollywood for several decades, and when he finally passed away, Hollywood let out a sigh of relief and rejoiced in the streets over his timely demise.

All tomfoolery aside...Ed wants to let Carol know that he's glad that they've finally gotten over that uncomfortable hump in their relationship, where Ed was pestering the crap out of Carol to get her to fall in love with him. He then proceeds to use the word "friend" almost two dozen times in twenty seconds, while describing their "new" relationship. Carol asks him to please stop saying the word "friend." Ed says, "Okay...homie." I literally groan and guzzle a shot of apple schnapps.

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