Crazy Time

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: B+ | Grade It Now!
Roll Out Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Children's Television Hosts With Psychotic Tendencies

This week, we kick things off in the bowling alley, where Phil, Kenny, and Shirley are preparing for the First Annual Stuckey Bowl Halloween Bowling Bash by stuffing a full-sized dummy. Shirley -- talking faster than a speed freak on a sugar buzz -- is telling the men about a Halloween costume she once wore that was supposed to be a Slinky; it consisted of a gray sweatsuit covered in aluminum foil. Eventually, the foil fell off, and Shirley was left in a gray sweatsuit, making the whole situation "degrading." Kenny admits that he doesn't care for Halloween, and that it's a holiday for kids, although the gays probably like it as well. Phil gasps and tells Kenny that he just "jumped the shark" which is a slang term used to determine the exact moment in which a certain television show begins its decline. Like when The Brady Bunch brought Cousin Oliver on board. Or the episode of Ellen when Ellen Degeneres announced she was gay. Or when Emeril's opening credits started on his series debut a few weeks ago. Ed busts all up in the scene and says he's taking the First Annual Stuckey Bowl Halloween Bowling Bash to the next level; this perplexes Shirley. Since it was the inaugural bash, how can it be taken to the next level? Easy Shirley...eeeasy. If you cram many more brain cells into that thought process, they're liable to spill out of your ears and onto the floor. Ed has hired Dr. Crazy to perform. Phil gasps again, and asks Ed if he's "strudeling" Phil. Ed insists that he's not "strudeling" Phil. Kenny's never heard of the Crazy Doctor, and needs clarification as to what sort of character he should expect at the bash. Phil asks "Lurch" what rock he's been living under, and Ed tells him that Dr. Crazy is a kid's show television host who's practically a legend in Stuckeyville. Kenny admits that he watches nothing but the PAX network. The three employees finish with their "scary monster" dummy, who's wearing a patch on his shirt that reads "Ed." "Is this how I look to you?" Ed asks them. A moment of silence passes until Shirley says, "Yes."

Opening credits roll as the most depressing television theme song ever recorded plays in the background. I've decided that there's an entire list of tunes that the producers could have commissioned that would have been better than this hog snot they've been shoving at us for four episodes straight now. "Seasons In The Sun" isn't nearly as depressing. Alice Cooper's "I Love The Dead" is more upbeat and positive than this car wreck of a theme song. Even "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" is better suited for the show. If they couldn't get the rights to any of those songs, they could have flashed a message up for thirty seconds saying "Please jam hypodermic needles into your eardrums until the commercials begin." Anything's better than what they're bombarding us with.

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