Doctor Who
Bad Wolf (1)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 2 USERS: A-
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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

One hundred years ago, the Doctor and Rose took care of the Jagrafess that ruled Satellite Five (and thus Earth) in the year 200,000. Since the stasis of the culture was due to outsider interference, they were sure that the timeline would accelerate to right itself. The Doctor was really wrong about that -- and that is weird considering who he is and how he tends to know things. A few weeks ago, MI-5 Margaret told the Doctor that he was a fuckup that tended to leave messes behind, and I assumed she was speaking for jilted brides everywhere, but I was really wrong about that, because really she was just telling us what happens next. There's nothing weird about me being wrong, though.

The last thing we saw, back in "Boom Town," was the egg of Blon, perhaps the very first part of a brand new life. The first thing we see now is the Doctor, curled on the floor, fetus-style. The incredibly loud theme song of Big Brother UK plays as the camera spins wildly on its axis, zooming out as we zoomed slightly in before. We're in the middle of things. The Doctor jumps up and frantically starts feeling at the walls, shouting. It's his nightmare, I said. No way out. He falls through a hidden door and onto his face, where a cute young woman in raver pigtails named Lynda is shocked to see him. The room is all primaries, bright colors and silly modern furniture. "Why'd they put you in there?" she asks. "They never said you were coming!" He tries to get himself together, as Lynda helps him to his feet, explaining that the "transmat" can sometimes scramble your head. He tells her his name -- "The Doctor, I think" -- and tries to remember what happened between last episode and this. "You got chosen!" Lynda says, excitedly. "You're a house mate!"

The difference between the gay accent and the British accent comes whinging out of the house: "That's not fair!" A couple of very good-looking housemates are sitting on a purple couch facing the Big Brother screen: Crosbie and Strood the whinger. Strood continues: "We've got eviction in five minutes! I've been here for all nine weeks, I've followed the rules, I haven't had a single warning, and then he comes swanning in..." The thing about this is that, even though in the states we're not nearly as Big Brother crazy as Europe, it's still one of my favorite shows, so you -- as an American -- have to do the quick-step doublethink for this to make sense. At least on the level of watching this episode in the UK: translate the theme music you're hearing into our music, swap Davina McCall's voice for Julie Chen's. (All the android presenters in this episode are voiced by the people they're mimicking, which is so cool; I will not, however, be making a "Chenbot" joke, because Julie Chen is a hero of mine.) If you can manage to do this, this episode rocks. If that's too hard, it's still a good episode, although the amount of things that happen is actually quite low. Lots of plot, short on answers.

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Doctor Who

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