Episode Report Card
Joe R: B | 1 USERS: C+
A Spy in the House of Dex
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Dexter, Christine got arrested for being a blood relative of Trinity's (and for probably shooting Deb and killing Lundy), Dexter saved a young boy from being murdered by Trinity, Ghost Harry and Dexter's Voice-Over (DVO) were suuuuper annoying and redundant, and most importantly of all, Angel and LaGuerta told Captain Matthews they were broken up when really they're not!

Angel's interrogating Christine while Deb and Quinn watch (and, at a different monitor, Dexter). Christine tries to sell the story that she doesn't know who her father is. Dexter's shitting a brick because if Christine gives the cops her father's name, they've got Mitchell and Dexter doesn't. Which, again, I still don't see why this matters to Dexter. He is clearly not operating from a primal need to kill Arthur himself, or else he'd have done it weeks ago. Arthur doesn't have anything on him, really, not even the Kyle Butler stuff; certainly not like what Miguel Prado had on him. I'm finding it very hard to find a reason, beyond pure plot contrivance, that Dexter can't let the cops just have Trinity. But anyway, here's the whole premise of the episode that I don't accept: Dexter needs to find someone to take the heat for the Trinity killings, at least until Dexter is able to kill Arthur himself. Which, at the rate he's been going, won't be until well after global climate change alters the face of the globe, at which point Dexter's going to have to find a higher shelf on which to keep his blood slides.

It appears that Arthur is hiding out in a hotel room in the wake of "Kyle" breaking up his attempted child-killing. He tries to call Christine but is only getting her voicemail. He then turns his attention to the TV, where there's a news report about young Scott's safe return. Upon hearing that the police have no leads as to Scott's abductor and the circumstances of his rescue, Arthur gets a half-pissed, half-curious expression on his face. A face that says "I've been sleeping on sheets that would give a black light the cold sweats for nothing?"

Cut to Dexter, in his office and hard at work trying to find a lowlife scumbag worthy of killing among the poor suckers who got DNA-swabbed by Deb's random sweep. He gets a phone call, but not on his regular cell. This must be his super-secret Kyle Butler cell, because it's Arthur calling him to ask what kind of person breaks up a child murder and doesn't call the cops. "Who are you, Kyle?" Trinity asks. "And what is it you want?" Dexter searches for an answer, then comes up with the dumbest one possible: "Money." To the show's credit, I think they know this is supposed to be just a dumb stab in the dark. But Dex is committed now, so he says he wants $50,000 or he tells the whole world that Arthur Mitchell is a pedophile. Arthur REALLY objects to that kind of slander, which is nice and darkly funny. Excuse me, but when Arthur drugged that boy and placed him into a plastic bag and dropped him into a hole in the earth filled with wet cement to await an unimaginably horrifying demise, that boy was UNSPOILED, you hear me? Arthur says he can't come up with that kind of money -- he's not even in Miami (he lies as he pulls out the Miami phone book). Dexter gives him 24 hours. After he hangs up, Arthur doesn't look half as concerned as he was even thirty seconds ago. Instead, he calmly flips through the phone book until he lands on a pair of entries for "Butler, Kyle."

Christine continues to stonewall Angel; Angel continues to alternate hot and cold pressure on her. She tries to assert her "rights" (come on, lady, it's Obama's America not Jane Fonda's America) but Angel tells her, as a material witness, she can be held indefinitely. Out in the bullpen, Deb yells at the TV like your dad during sports (or me during the Real World/Road Rules Challenge) that Christine had better talk, then. Quinn looks over at her, unsure whether this is a fight he wants to pick (or one he even has a right to pick) and tries to make the case that Christine's said she doesn't know anything; maybe she doesn't. Deb admonishes him that he's too close to this case, but he points to the whiteboard where Lundy's listed as the victim and says she is too. Dexter approaches to check if Christine's said anything yet. "Nope," says Quinn, "and she won't." "Let's hope so," mutters Dexter. Jesus H. It's bad enough when DVO is playing Captain Obvious in his head. Now he's just saying random, cryptic, incriminating things for no reason. That's some Krusty the Clown, "I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet" shit. Anyway, Deb looks at him like he's an asshole, and Dex sputters and says, "For Quinn's sake." This earns him a hearty "Fuck you!" from Quinn, this time not undeserved. Still, it allows us to see Dexter's brand new method of dealing with Quinn: aggressive sarcasm. To the FU, Dex replies, "And you," and when Quinn questions Dexter's stated lunchtime plans with Rita, Dexter actually moves to charge at Quinn before Debra intervenes. This won't be the last we'll see of Newly Aggro Dexter.

As Dexter leaves, he passes LaGuerta and hears that they've got a warrant to search Christine's apartment, which gives him even more incentive to yada yada MacGuffin. Quinn wants in on the apartment search, which LaGuerta rightly shoots down, for obvious reasons. She's gonna send Deb over with Angel. Only not so fast on THAT, because now Matthews is here and needs to speak with both Angel and Maria ASAP. In Maria's office, Matthews shows them security footage of a liquor store robbery from the other night. But it got sent up to him because 30 minutes earlier, there's footage of Angel and Maria at the same store, making out in the aisle. Okay, let this be a lesson to all you people: the liquor store is a place of business. A place of business where lonely people go to purchase the bottle that will be their only companion tonight. You flaunt your relationship in the aisle in front of the cabernet, as far as I'm concerned, you deserve what you get. Anyhoo, suffice it to say, Matthews wants their asses for this. They lied in an affidavit, under oath. He tells them to call their union reps and look into alternate career paths. So...he's mad, then. After she catches her breath, LaGuerta confronts Matthews. He's had a bug up his ass about her since almost the beginning. Why? Is it because she's a woman? Latina? "Your arrogance," Matthews growls at her. Yeah, but she's gotten WAY better at that, man. Can't you see how boring she's been written this season?

Dexter's in his storage unit, bathed in the warm glow of Harry's obviousness. Dex rifles through Lundy's Trinity files, looking for a close-but-no-cigar suspect that he can use as a patsy. He comes upon one Stan Bodrie, a long-haul trucker who killed a hooker with a crowbar, though the cops fucked up the evidence. Well that's an easy call. Dex then scrambles to make his appointment with Rita. Harry, miraculously, fails to hassle him for it.

Meanwhile, Arthur is at some poor SOB's house, removing the screen from his front window. The house's owner, who looks like a cross between a more hipster-y Seth Gabel from Dirty Sexy Money and Derrick from the aforementioned Real World/Road Rules Challenge, comes home and is seriously pissed about this quasi-home invasion. Arthur is hilariously nonchalant about it, once he confirms this guy owns the house, saying he thought this was his friend's house instead. But Hipster Derrick isn't taking "I thought I was breaking into my friend's house" for an answer. He slams Arthur's car door shut and says he's got his license plate number. He's gonna call the cops. Well, Hipster Derrick, you said the phrase of the day! You're...not gonna like the prize.

Dexter is late to counseling, as he meets Rita in the Amazing Technicolor Family Therapist's Waiting Room. Seriously, this room looks like the inside of the Simpsons' house. Anyway, Rita's bitchy and cold, but for different reasons than usual. Dex gets a call from work (supposedly) but Rita manages to stop him cold by just confessing to kissing Elliott. I love how Rita can manage to make confessing an infidelity into a shrewish ploy to nag Dexter into not going to work. Hilariously, Dexter does her one better, using the occasion of this shocking confession to get the heck up out of there.

Cut to a closeup of Hipster Derrick, dead as a doornail on the floor of his home. Close observation seems to place the cause of death as Getting His Fa

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