Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: A | 2 USERS: A+
"He who doesn't fear Dex dies only once."

Previously: The Ice Truck Killer struck again, this time leaving the body parts strewn like gifts at a Christmas store under a tree. The ITK had been messing with Dexter's head for a while, leaving cryptic clues at his crime scenes that hinted at tableaux of Dexter's childhood. Dexter discovered what the ITK had meant for him to see all along: a newspaper article that revealed that Dexter's mother, Laura Moser, had been slaughtered by a coke dealer in a shipping container, leaving Dexter to sit in blood for days. Angel got stabbed by an unknown assailant, but was able to head-butt the guy in the face, resulting in a blood droplet on Angel collar. Dexter matched the blood to Rudy's after connecting the dots of the tooth marks in Angel's head to Rudy's split lip. Dexter laid out FIP with a frying pan, and framed him to put him back in jail. FIP told Rita he had no idea why he was back in the clink. Captain Mathstor decided to replace LaGuerta with a new Lieutenant. As Dexter was discovering who Rudy was, Rudy proposed marriage to Deb on a rented yacht, and then abducted her.

Well, here we are: the finale. How's this going to go down? My butthole is tight with anticipation!

Here's Dexter, overlooking the marina, VOing, "I've lived in darkness a long time. Over the years, my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. But then Rudy turned on the light. He flooded my memory and now I'm blind. I don't have much time. Or, to be more accurate, my sister doesn't have much time. He wants me to find them, but I don't know where to look. I can't think; it's too bright." He begins to run off the dock, and a light washes the screen to white.

Deb is awake, and she's completely bound with duct tape. Rudy tells her to let him know if the tape is too tight: "There's no need for you to be uncomfortable." "Why are you doing this?" Deb says, breathing heavily and totally panicking, which...word. I would have had about eighteen heart attacks by this point. "Want me to spoil the surprise?" says Rudy as he empties a bag of scary-looking surgical tools in front of her. Deb starts screaming and crying, and Rudy tells he's "just checking supplies, okay? Things are just moving a little faster than I had planned." "This isn't you," says Deb. "There's more, I've seen it." Rudy crouches down and comfortingly says, "I never wanted to hurt you." "I know," she cries, believing him. "Does this make it easier for you, because I could keep going." Wow, that shit is cold, Rudy! He tells her not be ashamed, because she's not the only one who bought it. She asks if his name is even Rudy Cooper, and he says no, "but he died for a good cause." Deb tells him that so will he, because he kidnapped a cop. "It's all part of the plan. Jesus, it's hard to believe it's all come to fruition." What? What is your game, Ru-- uh, whatever your name is? "This is a lot of years in the making." What is? Argh!

Dexter's just gotten home. "He wouldn't have taken Deb unless he left everything a clever monster would need in order to find him." He starts searching the house frantically. The fridge? Nope. The blood slides? No, nothing there, either. Craig's List! He must have a new message! Uh-uh. Ooh, I know! I know! The photo albums! Rudy loves those! Alas, nothing. Frustrated, Dex throws his coffee table aside and begins tearing up his couch, when out of nowhere the song "Born Free" begins playing on his laptop across the room. Dexter walks over to it, and looks at the screen, which now depicts various killings in the wild. "It seems I have a new screen saver. I knew he wouldn't leave me stranded. But, 'Born Free'?" He reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out a picture of the bloody hotel room. "Of course. Thanks to Rudy, now I know where Dearly Disturbed Dexter was born." He flashes back on the chainsaw killing his mother. "Born free of all that's human. That's where I'll find him." Wait, where? The shipping container or the hotel room? He grabs the newspaper article that says "Shipping Yard Massacre," and that answers my question.

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