Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
Same Old Song

Tom is ready to reveal again one couple that is safe and one couple in the bottom three. The couple that is safe is... Donny and Kym. Donny is thrilled; I think he's really sick. He's sweating like crazy. The next couple in the bottom three is... Michael and Anna. Well, no shocking results yet.

So then the Ballas Hough Band comes out to perform. Hmm. How do I say this kindly? Oh, forget being kind. They are horrible. First of all, the whole "song" is done in a monotone, and yet it's still autotuned. Like if you can't sing one note successfully without the help of electronics, maybe you shouldn't be a singer. Second, they aren't a band. There's no one playing any instruments; it's just Derek and Mark and a bunch of dancers. The dancing is good, but then call yourselves the Ballas Hough Dance Troupe. I bet little girls would dig it, because they have no taste and like nonthreatening men who sing and dance, but anyone over the age of 14 should be ashamed of themselves if they are "fans" of this group. I think Mark and Derek have spent too much time around yes-men and groupies, and don't have anyone to tell them that this is just a catastrophe. I wonder what they threatened to the producers to get a spot on the show? And finally, I think the song was called "Watch Your Body," but for the first two-thirds, I thought it was called "Wash Your Body," and wondered if I had wandered into a commercial for soap.

Clip package filmed in a parking garage apparently, in which the gist is that no one wants to go home. Then they do a Fight Club thing where they list off the rules, all of which basically boil down to, "Try really hard and practice a lot." Waste of time. Although better than hearing another song from the Ballas Hough band.

Tom and Samantha are back to reveal some more results. Mya and Dmitry are safe. They share a big hug. If only they could bring that connection to the dance floor. Joanna and Derek are also safe. That means Aaron and Karina are in the bottom three again. Aaron looks shocked. Dude, people don't like you. I know that's got to be tough to take, but shouldn't he know that by now?

Everyone is fired up to see Rod Stewart perform. Rod clearly got one of those Kate Gosselin Halloween wigs on clearance and decided to take it out for a spin tonight, because I don't know what is happening with his hair, but it's not good. Although the more I look at it, I think it's his real hair. Ever since I saw Rod's son on Celebrity Rehab and he talked about what a bad father Rod was, I kind of hate him. Also, his voice is totally gone. It's not even like with Tony Bennett, where the voice is kind of gone but you can still hear the good parts. It's just not good. And he really shouldn't try to dance. He seems befuddled by the dancers that come out and provide accompaniment, and after a minute, he just kind of ignores them. I think I will too. I'm also really distracted by the lady in the black mini-dress in the band, who's playing the baritone sax. That thing is nearly as big as she is.

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Dancing With The Stars




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