Dancing With The Stars

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Goodbye Stranger

Monday night featured Tom Delay's ass-wiggling and nothing else all that memorable. Last night featured more memorable performances, both good (Kelly, Mya) and bad (Macy, Macy, and Macy). And tonight, one male and female couple will leave, and we'll find out all about it... LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Tom and Samantha intro the show and then ask Len who will do the encore. Except when they cut to Len, you can totally tell that it's Kelly Osbourne standing there. Oh well. Kelly and Louis are going to do their dance again. It's just as pretty as it was last night, and Kelly seems a little more relaxed, although the audience isn't quite as into it, and I think she feeds off the audience's energy a lot. But she's still adorable, and I can't wait to see what she does next week.

Tom recaps the events of last night, with short interviews from the couples afterwards. My favorite is poor Jonathan with Macy. She talks and he just kind of looks at the camera like, "Do you see what I have to deal with here?" Tom reminds us that Derek and Joanna are at the top of the leaderboard for the female celebrities, and Aaron and Karina are at the top for the male celebrities.

And it's time to talk about the men, and which couple is going home. I'll tell you who's not going home... Louie and Chelsie. Joining them next week will be Aaron and Karina. Wow. They just cut to Edyta and she. Looks. Pissed. I don't know if she just figures that she's going home or if she hates Ashley or what her deal is but she has the most sour look on her face.

Hey, remember that super annoying song "Beautiful Girls" that was popular a few summers ago? And the guy who sang it? Sean Kingston? Well, he's here to sing another super-annoying autotuned song. Some people come out to dance while he sings. I don't recognize any of them, which means it's entirely possible that they are on SYTYCD. You guys will understand if I fast-forward through this, right? Thanks.

Time for a pre-taped vignette called "Loser's Club" featuring the people who were eliminated in the first week in past seasons. It mostly features Jeff Ross, Kenny Mayne and Penn Jilette. Have you guys heard the story about Jeff Ross's elimination and why he was so upset? He told the whole story on one of Bill Simmons's podcasts, I think, and it was fascinating and hilarious. Basically, Jimmy Kimmel's Cousin Sal texted Jeff right before the results show and told him that he was safe, but not to say anything. Jeff assumed that Cousin Sal, who worked on Kimmel's show, which features the newly-eliminated dancers every Wednesday night, had insider information, and totally bought it. And then Jeff was eliminated, because it was all a prank. So Jeff was pissed and Sal wouldn't apologize and it caused quite the rift between the former friends. And do you know who healed that rift? Tom Cruise. I swear to God. They were all watching football over at Jimmy Kimmel's house on a Sunday (which they do every week) and Tom Cruise showed up with his mom and brought cupcakes (as you do). And Sarah Silverman (this was when she and Jimmy were together) decides they should hold a mock trial and let Tom Cruise be the judge of how to resolve the situation. So they did, and Tom Cruise decided that Sal should apologize. So he did, and now Jeff and Sal are friends again. Could I make that shit up? Anyway, you should hunt down the podcast (it's the August 6th podcast on that page), because Jeff told the story much better and with much more detail. So anyway, the three guys in this segment talk about how they take pride in being in the Loser's Club, and it's mildly amusing. I mean, I appreciate the effort. I'd rather see that than Sean Kingston singing again.

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Dancing With The Stars

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