Dancing With The Stars

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DeLay of Game

Judges? Len thought it wasn't great, and the routine needed more content. Bruno liked his presence, but the footwork and timing were out and it had no content. Carrie Ann thinks Michael has way more charisma than Jerry Rice, but Anna needs to push him harder, since he did okay with what he was given, but he wasn't given enough. I totally agree with Carrie Ann; Michael didn't have enough to do. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 4, and Bruno 4 for a total of 13. Wow, I thought he was way better than that. So did the audience, based on the booing.

The final contestant is former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. All I'm going to say about his politics and his beliefs is this: not my bag. And I won't mention it again; I plan to judge him on his dancing. Anyway, he's partnered with poor Cheryl, who got a hottie last season so apparently she's punished with an old dude this season. She and Michael Irvin would have been a hot couple. DeLay has lost a ton of weight since leaving his House seat. Oh, dear. In rehearsal, he has his sweatpants up around his armpits. And he tucks his polo shirts into his sweatpants. Cheryl tries to get him to move his hips, but he probably has arthritis or some other old-people disease. And he makes a joke about not going to the left. Ugh.

They're doing the cha cha cha to "Wild Thing." Their routine reminds me of your formerly hard-drinking uncle who is now a born-again Christian dancing at your wedding. He thinks he's still a rebel, and everyone chuckles politely, but he's way too old and white to really get down. He also blows a kiss to Bruno in the middle, which I'm sure he thought was really subversive. Anyway, his technique is good but he's very stiff. Because he's old. I don't know if I mentioned that.

Bruno thinks he's "crazier than Sarah Palin" and the little cha cha cha he did wasn't too bad. Carrie Ann thinks it was surreal and she doesn't know what to say. He's light on his feet too. Len thinks parts were magic and parts were tragic. He liked the cha cha parts but not the butt shaking and air guitar. Did I not mention the air guitar earlier? I think I blocked it out. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 5 for a total of 16. Eh. The best part is that, at the end of the segment, Samantha throws it to Tom, and instead the producers go to commercial. Oops.

Tom talks to some of the female contestants before the next segment. Debi Mazar says that it seemed like Michael Irvin did great, but she understands that the judges look for different things than the amateurs watching at home. Kelly Osbourne adds that she has gotten to know the other contestants, so she feels badly hearing them criticized, but she also knows that the judges are professionals and she's not going to talk back. Tom praises her diplomatic answer.

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Dancing With The Stars

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