Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Don't Stop

Do you think there are people who watch this show because they love Samantha Harris? Not just the way she looks, but really love her and her personality? I just cracked myself up. Personality. Hee! Anyway, we're opening with an encore performance of Melissa and Tony's samba. I try really hard not to let my personal like or dislike of the people dancing affect my opinion of their routines, but I can't help it. I really don't like Tony. He just seems so smarmy. I'll admit that he's been better this season, but that's because he got a great partner. I would admire him more if he were fun and gracious when he had a sucky partner. You know who he kind of reminds me of? Duke from old school General Hospital. And as my best friend in seventh grade said of Duke, "Ew. He looks like he would have really bad breath." Anyway, the dance is really good but I don't know if it was worthy of a perfect score last night or tonight, but no one really asked me.

Last night, Ty did well with his tango, but his rumba was not great. He was pleased, though, because he thought his solo dance toward his wife Jewel might help him to get lucky. Dude, you're married. She's a sure thing. Anyway, Kim got called a tramp and then told she was too wild in her Latin dance, but she was happy with her scores. Gilles's rumba was too sexy and out of control for the judges, but his foxtrot got high marks. Shawn gets short shrift in the recap of her performance; she doesn't even get a hallway confessional. What's up with that? Carrie Ann told Melissa and Tony that they were flawless.

Jamie Cullum is here to perform a version of "I Get a Kick Out of You." I prefer the Billie Holiday version myself. A pro couple that I don't know come out to perform a quickstep, which has got to be tough because saying the arrangement is spare would be an understatement. There's barely any music, just singing and the occasional piano or bass riff. I have to admit that I had heard of Jamie Cullum before this but had not heard or seen him perform, and I'm quite impressed, but then again, I'm a fan of jazz piano, although I understand that he tends to do more reinterpretations of current songs when performing live. Anyway, it's something different and I'd rather see a hundred Jamie Cullums than an Avril Lavigne or an Ashlee Simpson. Or a Demi Lovato, to be in 2009 instead of 2005.

Hey, it's time for DanceCenter! They run down the first three contestants, but I'm totally distracted by the fact that Kenny Mayne (purposely, obviously) has orange pancake makeup on that stops at his chin line. Anyway, they start with Ty, and overdub some footage of him trying to do Latin with creaking metallic noises and then make his eyes glow red. Jerry Rice does his best Tracy Morgan and says that Ty is a killer robot come to destroy us all. As much as I love DanceCenter, it would be way better if Tracy Morgan were one of the hosts. Next up is Lil Kim, whose height, weight, and shoe size are all listed as "lil." Len tries to rap, with predictable results, and Kenny just cuts Len off every time he tries to talk. Kenny and Jerry do a riff on Kim making the most of her ass...ets. Finally, they talk about Shawn, and since she's still a kid, they probably don't want to rip on her too much, so they make fun of this weird face that Mark makes a lot, where he looks like a chipmunk, and then cut to footage of two chipmunks dancing together. Aw, cute animals. I could watch that all night. So the first round is over, and it was okay, but I feel like they were holding back a bit. Has DanceCenter lost its teeth?

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Dancing With The Stars




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