Dancing With The Stars
Season 16 Performance 4 Results

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | 1 USERS: B+
The Heart of Rock and Roll Stops Beating

Last night: prom! Tonight: Huey Lewis!

Brooke covers the current stats. Kellie and Derek are on the top with 25 and Wynonna and Tony are on the bottom with 15. Everyone else has a number between 15 and 25. Last night's whole episode gets shown again in clip form, and I encourage you to read last night's recap to relive the whole thing. It's not like I want to say more mean things about Wynonna Judd! The show's recap doesn't include any of the Hurricane Katrina stuff, because it was a drag.

Tonight, there's going to be a Prom King and Queen, who will get two extra points added to their scores. It's Jacoby and Zendaya, and I think they could have a pretty fun sitcom together. Zendaya says she's probably never going to go to prom, and Jacoby says he's just happy he didn't get thrown out. Tom takes the opportunity to tell them both that they're safe, because there wasn't much drama around that part. Then he tries a Game of Thrones joke about the big chairs that Jacoby and Zendaya are sitting in, but it doesn't go anywhere.

Now: Huey Lewis and the News! It's the thirtieth anniversary of the "Sports" album, so they'll be going on tour. And now they're playing "The Heart of Rock & Roll." Which...look, it's an okay song. It rhymes "beatin'" with "believe 'em," but that's not unforgiveable. But nobody I know has a lot of nostalgia about Huey Lewis. It's not like when Prince goes on tour. And the song sounds about 15% slower than the original, which isn't a way to get people excited. Oh, and the troupe is doing some dancing during parts of the song, if you like that sort of thing.

This week's confessionals have a "Prom Photo Booth" theme, so everyone's wearing ridiculous clothes and making up awards like "Most Likely to Talk Back to the Judges" and "Best Farter" for each other. It's awful. I'm sorry I mentioned it.

It's time for the encore dance! The judges get to pick it, but Len and Carrie Ann have recused themselves. Bruno has picked Sean and Peta's Village People-themed Cha Cha. And he's out there dancing with them with the troupe, replacing the leatherman. I should point out that Bruno COMPLETELY blows the "A" of the YMCA pose at the end. The audience doesn't seem to mind. They even seem pleased about the way Bruno takes his shirt off.

Tom introduces an allegedly spontaneous moment of Len psyching himself up backstage before last night's show. Don't look directly at the acting. However, the footage of Kellie chatting with the audience before her dance seems legitimate. Kellie and Derek are safe. Next up, we have D.L. and Cheryl. Instead of fun banter, they get D.L. complaining after the judges told him how bad he was. Len claims he was actually generous. D.L. is safe! He keeps his feet this time. Cheryl is delighted!

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Dancing With The Stars




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