Dancing With The Stars
Season 14 Performance 5: Results

Episode Report Card
Kim: C | Grade It Now!
Save the Last Dance

Last night was Latin Night and the 10 paddles came out! And Gavin's dance was a hot mess! Not even a hot mess. A cold mess. Don't you think that's worse than a hot mess? I do. Anyway, the bottom two will be dueling to the death with pistols at dawn, I guess.

They're doing an encore performance this week, and Len says that they could have picked any couple (really, even Gavin?) but they chose Maria and Derek. Why? Why would they choose them? Gross. One of the forum posters referred to Derek as "Dennis the Menace" yesterday and I laughed out loud and now that's all I can see. During the part where Derek is supposed to kiss Maria, the music stops and he walks over and kisses Carrie Ann instead, and then Maria kisses Bruno. Are there really people at home who are like, "Oh, that Derek! Such a sketch!" My friend's mom used to call people "a sketch" when they were mildly amusing. And it somehow fits here. It would have been funnier if they had awkwardly high-fived or fist-bumped instead of kissing. Or, you know, danced. That would be exciting.

Time to review some of last night's performances. Gladys told the crowd that it was party time before her dance, and Tristan really tried to get her fired up during the routine. Tristan is super sweaty after the dance. He was working hard out there. Maks got Melissa fired up before her routine, and she had a lot of fun. He said he was proud of her but then told her that he needs her to do better. Oh, Maks. I didn't mention last night that it was creepy how Maria's dad was applauding Bruno asking to join in a threesome with her and Derek. In the confessional, Maria says that Bruno can definitely join in, and when Derek expresses doubt, she stage whispers, "He's a judge!" Heh. There's a break before we get results and I take a second to check out Brooke's weird dress. It's another one-shoulder cleavage cut out situation. Why does she do that? It looks awful.

So are any of these three in the bottom two? Maria and Derek are safe, of course. Melissa and Maks are also safe and I think Melissa cursed with joy because they cut the audio for a second there. I like her more if she did. Gladys and Tristan are also safe. Aw, I'm glad. I'm glad for Gladys. And she gets to be in Motown Week next week. Now I can't figure out who will be in the duel against Gavin.

Clip package where the judges explain the Dance Duel. The bottom two will be doing the same dance to the same music, side-by-side on the dance floor, and the judges will decide who goes home. This is a terrible idea for so many reasons. First of all, side-by-side dances are never good for a TV audience. We don't know where to look and when and it's chaotic and confusing. Second, the whole gist of this show has always been that it's half judges' scores and half fan votes that keep couples safe. And now they're screwing with that on a whim? And if it's not on a whim, then it smells a lot like producer intervention, like maybe someone who isn't very good is getting a lot of fan support, which is also a bad idea. If someone gets propped up by fans, that's the way it goes. That's what happens on these fan-voting competitive reality shows, right Sanjaya? The only upside I can see if that it might make more people tune into the results show beyond the last five minutes, but there has to be other ways to make the results show more interesting than screwing with the formula of the show. Anyway, the judges claim that it's all about the dancing and eliminates the sentimentality. Yeah, because the judges are robots and don't let their emotions interfere, ever. Heh.

1 2 3Next

Dancing With The Stars




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

Visit the Official Room on zeebox to join in the discussion!

The Latest Activity On TwOP