Dancing With The Stars
Season 13 Performance 4

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Celluloid Dreams

Another filler dance with Val and the troupe. The producers love Val. The routine starts with three couples dancing together, and seriously, the tallest dude form the troupe is not good. I noticed it last week and it holds up this week. His feet are terrible. Then Val comes out and gets a solo with one of the ladies. It's fine. Bring on the actual contestants now? Please?

Carson and Anna will be dancing to a song from Pirates of the Caribbean, doing the Viennese waltz. Carson jokes that pirates are guys running around in tight pants with open shirts, looking for jewelry, so it's in his wheelhouse. The studio audience loves it when Carson makes jokes about how gay he is or how much he's crushing on hot gents. Like, they guffaw. I mean, Carson is funny but let's not get crazy here, studio audience. Anyway, they bring in a hot stuntman to teach them how to do sword fighting. Not sure how that fits with the waltz, but can't wait to find out!

I'm not exactly sure what I'm watching. They start with a really long instrumental where they...don't do anything. And then there's a fairly short swordfight before the waltzing begins. The parts where they are in hold are better than I anticipated. The parts where they aren't in hold are these pirate-y type moves and Carson is usually a beat behind Anna. The whole time, I'm just nervous that one of them is going to trip over the sword that Anna had to drop in the opening. It's fun. It's entertaining. There just wasn't much content. And yet, I want to see what he'll do next week. I'm torn. Judges? Carrie Ann says it was his most butch performance, and like me, she's torn because she loves to watch him, but his technique is terrible. Len says it was like childbirth: "terrible while it's happening, enjoy it when it's over." Carson is like, "Yeah! Wait..." Len lists off all the things that were wrong with it, but adds that it was great fun. Bruno says that it was bonkers, and no one cares, because it was great fun. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7. The judges are nutso tonight. There was no waltz to score! Although if Chynna got straight sevens, I guess that score is fair for Carson.

Tristan and Nancy have the paso doble this week, and Tristan tells her that she needs to bring the attitude from her show to the dance this week. She keeps calling it the "passé doble." This could be scary.

Well, she's got the attitude down, although she seems to mistake angry for aggressive. There's a difference. Her posture is terrible and she keeps making fists which doesn't seem right, right? You don't make fists in any of the dance routines on this show. I can't see her feet due to her dress; maybe that was on purpose. She looks a little unsure at times. Overall, it's okay. It's not terrible, at least not until she totally botches the ending. I think she was supposed to do a split, but her shoe caught on her dress so she just popped up and started clapping for herself? She's a weirdo. I can't wait to see Tristan dance with someone else next season. God knows he's paid his dues. Judges? Len says it wasn't exciting and lacked expression. Bruno urges her to become a ball breaker and go for it. Carrie Ann wants to give Nancy more credit because she's old (no, she said that) but she wants Nancy to connect more to the audience. That's a good point. She only looks at Tristan. I think she's under rehearsed, so she needs to look at Tristan so she doesn't screw up. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7 and Bruno 7.

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Dancing With The Stars

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