Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: A | Grade It Now!
Time of My Life

Here's a shocker: they are wearing '50s costumes. And Mark is wearing short pants and glittery socks. Okay, so the storyline of the dance is that Bristol is sick of Mark's bullshit; she starts the dance by dumping a suitcase with the gorilla suits on the floor and the song is called "Move Right Out of My Life." And I will say, to Bristol's credit, that she is more animated in this routine than I've ever seen her. She's trying. But it's hardly a jive. I don't know if she doesn't have the stamina, or she can't remember the steps, but her feet are barely leaving the floor when she's supposed to be kicking and flicking, and Mark's overly enthusiastic dancing just makes hers look worse in comparison. And there are a lot of non-jive moves in there: shoulder shimmies, and a lot of pointing and walking around. A jive should be high energy and the performers should be exhausted afterwards. Bristol looks like she's hardly breaking a sweat. And the ending is the worst. Instead of pulling Bristol through his legs in a typical jive move, Mark puts her on the floor and then walks backwards over her, like she's too heavy for him to move. Oof. If this was supposed to be the routine that was going to convince all the haters that Bristol Palin can dance as well as Kyle and Jennifer, well, it failed. I only hope the judges don't overscore her too much. Anything over an 8 is a gift.

Bruno loved that she revealed herself and had a good time. Nothing about her technique. Carrie Ann loved that she performed it, and her top half was great, although she points out that her toes weren't totally pointed. Len thinks it was a vast improvement, but that's not saying much, since the first jive was horrible. And frankly, the judges are being really nice to her especially after she was so bitchy about the few times they have been critical of her. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. You are fucking kidding. YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME. That is horseshit. And they don't even look that excited. I wonder if the judges are planning to give everyone the same scores and let the public decide. At least then, people can't claim that the judges were in on the fix. But seriously. I am legit pissed off.

The final couple to perform their Redemption Dance is Jennifer and Derek. They got two perfect scores last week, which were not deserved in my opinion. Their Redemption Dance is the paso doble, which is the week that Jennifer was all over the place and out of control. Carrie Ann comes in to their rehearsal and seems to give some really good constructive criticism about the shapes that Jennifer makes with her arms and head and neck. Seriously, if I understood what Carrie Ann wanted, and immediately saw the improvement in Jennifer, it must have been good. I feel like Carrie Ann gets shit on sometimes because she doesn't have Len's background and yet often criticizes technique; I hope this helps people realize that she does actually know what she's talking about sometimes.

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Dancing With The Stars




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