Dancing With The Stars

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Brooke goes to interview the finalists. What could they possibly have to say that would be interesting at this point? I will answer that for you. They have nothing interesting to say. They both feel like they have already won by making it to the top two. They respect their competitors. They want to enjoy their last dance. Done and done.

After some more review of the season, it's up to Pam and Niecy to bring the sexy back. Tony and Dmitry join them for some reason. Pam doesn't dance as well as she did during the season. She does crawl over the bodies of the male dancers. Niecy gets to shake her thing to "Bootylicious." Man, it's been a long time since I heard this song. Is this still a family show? I'm not commenting on the dancing because there's not much dancing happening. They're just feeling each other up and shaking things.

Clip package. Nicole is awesome. Evan is awesome. How far in advance did they know that these two were the final two? Because these were clearly recorded earlier, as each of the eliminated stars talks about these two competing. Anyway, each person talks about how Nicole might win, or Evan might win. Maybe they will both win! A tie! That would be hilarious.

Clip package about Nicole and Derek. They are kindred spirits. Nicole has trouble letting go and not being a perfectionist. That's the lamest answer. That's the stereotypical job interview answer where she really has no flaws, so they pretend like being a perfectionist is a flaw. Derek says it's been his favorite season ever.

So now it's time for their jive. And I just remembered the judges are going to give them both perfect scores, so this is sort of an exercise at this point. Anyway, it's the fastest jive I've ever seen in my life. It's awesome. There are a few times when Nicole's kicks look awkward to me, but I'm totally nitpicking because it's really incredible. And did I mention fast? The crowd goes nuts. Len says that Nicole should win. I mean, he just flat out says that she should win. Wow. I'm sure Evan really wants to come out and dance now. Bruno says it's been the best season ever. Well, it's had the best dancing, but I don't know that it's been the best season, because there's been no suspense. Carrie Ann is almost speechless, and says that they've been amazing. If I were Evan, I would just go home. I mean, seriously. Backstage, Nicole gives her Oscar acceptance speech (save it for when you win in five minutes) and then she gets her perfect score from the judges, like anyone is surprised. Their total score is 115.

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Dancing With The Stars

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