Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Passion Play

Last week, Buzz and Ashly got sent home, and America was alternately sad (that a hero left, apparently) and happy (because it was getting kind of sad to watch Grandpa stiffly lumber around the dance floor) and perplexed (because why is Kate still there and not even in the bottom two?). This week, the couples will be getting separate technical and performance scores for the first time, and will be dancing either the rumba or the tango, two of the most passionate dances. I note that during the "passionate dances" clip portion, they don't show Kate and Tony. I am perversely fascinated with how horrible Kate will be this week. And it'll all happen LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Did you notice that Brooke wears those Herve Leger knockoff (?) bandage dresses every week? Aren't those kind of over? I'll have to check with my Fug Girl pals on that one. The couples are introduced and descend the big staircase. Pam Anderson is wearing a dress that is slit up to her rib cage and you can see all of her asshole, seriously. And I'm so sick of Kate doing that "I (points to eye) love (draws heart in air) you (points at camera)" presumably for her kids. It's so Kate to come up with the most unsubtle, obvious signal to her kids. Like she couldn't just tell them "When I pull on my earlobe, that means I love you" or something. I was thinking about how Kate's picture is in the dictionary next to the word humorless, like could you ever imagine her making a joke that was actually funny? I picture her never laughing. She's one of those people who, instead of laughing, just says, "That's funny." I hate those people. Have a human emotion, you robot.

The judges gather to discuss what the various contestants need to do to be successful this week. Kate needs to not suck. Len calls her one-dimensional (and that would be the bitch dimension) but Carrie Ann thinks she might do better with the tango because it calls for smaller movements than the paso. Carrie Ann brings up Erin's hold, and how she had a death grip on Maks' shoulder (maybe because she couldn't see?) and Bruno wants her to translate her elegance into strong lines. Len doesn't think Jake has done enough performing, but I think he's actually done that better than his technique. Len thinks Evan has trouble with precise footwork, and Carrie Ann wants him to point his toes. So I guess those are the couples that are doing the tango? Because they stop there.

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Dancing With The Stars




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