Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
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YamaHOOCHIE!

Last night, the producers really tried to position Jason as the new leader, because approximately seven out of ten of the opening shots are of Jason, and then they show Kristi making a weird face. It would be an interesting social experiment to have a group of volunteers watch this show with no sound and try to judge who they think is the frontrunner and who is in last place, because sometimes I think the show sends me secret messages. Excuse me while I adjust my tinfoil hat. And in case you missed it, Christian had to go to the emergency room when he was injured during his second dance. Will he return? Will he continue to compete? We'll find out tonight LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Tom and Samantha introduce the contestants, and we get to see everyone except Christian and Cheryl. Are they there? Is Cheryl alone? We finally get to see them, and Christian is in dancing gear but appears to have some sort of bandage on his arm. I don't want him to leave tonight, only because TMZ was reporting that he wouldn't be able to continue due to his injuries, and TMZ can suck it.

As we recap last night's performances, Marissa rasps that Tony is the best teacher ever, since he took her from a six to a nine. As some pointed out on the forums, Kelly got a 13 in her first week in the first season, and came back to eventually earn a perfect score, so Marissa might want to hold off on writing her name in the record books just yet. In his confessional, Christian gets a little too serious in scolding Carrie Ann for telling him he didn't have enough energy, when he's sweating his buns off. He will cut her. Shannon continues to apologize, and it's getting a little old now. When you do it a million times, it starts to seem less than sincere. We flash back to Christian's injury. Cheryl reveals that she heard a crack and thought it was her dress ripping, but it was his arm. Christian gets into the ambulance as Tony speculates that it might just be a cramp, but Marissa dramatically intones that she doesn't think it is. She is totally worst case scenario girl. Like she just loves the most dramatic possible interpretation of events.

Oh my God. They just showed Def Leppard and Joe Elliott was wearing a suit jacket, with one button, and NOTHING UNDERNEATH. His belly was hanging out. EWWWWWWWWWW! Here's the thing: He seemed gross when I was in the sixth grade and my then-boyfriend (who recently appeared in a national Hertz commercial by the way) won me a Def Leppard mirror at the carnival. And by the way, what was up with all of the drug paraphernalia available at the carnival? Between the coke mirrors and the feathered roach clips that we used to clip in our hair, it was practically a head shop. But I'm getting off topic. I can't wait to see Def Leppard. It is going to bring back every road party, every long bus ride to a sporting event, and every ride in my friend's dad's van to a concert at the outdoor amphitheatre ever. The only artist that could more accurately bring back my high school years would be The Steve Miller Band. Go on, take the money and run.

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Dancing With The Stars

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