Dancing With The Stars
First Cut is the Deepest

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
Metta World Peace

Anyone else had "Moves Like Jagger" in their head all day? Just me? I don't even LIKE Maroon 5. Although I did enjoy watching Adam Levine beam unadulterated hate-rays towards Christina Aguilera during The Voice. All of the other judges hated her. And she thought they all thought she was cute. It was awesome. Anyway. Wrong show.

I don't know if any of you bothered to watch the show on prior to this one, but man, what a waste of time. I watched it so I could bring you any important tidbits, but the only thing I learned was that Carson Kressley has a SEVERE crush on Maks (and Maks seems fine with it, because he loves himself, so why wouldn't everyone else love him too, and I mean that with love), and Rob Kardashian really is a dickhole. They showed some rehearsal footage with him and Cheryl, and Cheryl was trying to explain an 8-count and he was like, "I won't do that. I don't do math." Um, can you COUNT???? Because that's all it is, and it's the basis of all dance routines. Guh. She should have smacked him. He is the worst.

So after that wasted hour, this one opens with a pro routine to "Edge of Glory" except I think they screwed up the music cue. So then it kind of starts over. All of the pros are there, and I think the pro troupe (are we still doing that?) is involved as well. I still don't plan on learning those people's names until they make the Varsity squad. They're not even JV at this point. They're like Modified. Anyway, it's a good routine, and I always love it when the pros dance together. Because I'm a gossip, I also try to note which pros are dancing together. Like are Maks and Karina still avoiding each other after she broke off their engagement? Derek and Cheryl seem pretty close, no? I don't know about this Peta character. I keep thinking she's Lacey, due to the flying blonde hair.

I forgot to mention last night that Brooke Burke is using her married name now, so she's Brooke Burke Charvet. How long has she been married? Why now? Don't make me Google this shit. I don't care that much. Let's just move on to reviewing last night (even though they just did that in the previous hour). Ricki was really happy after her routine with Derek. Elisabetta was disappointed in her scores, and wants to make the finals. Did she watch herself dance at all? She thought that was deserving of a trip to the finals? I mean, maybe she improved a lot from day one, but she was still awful. And Rob Kardashian got tips from his sisters, and Khloe even yelled something out to Bruno. Are they going to do that every week? Because I think maybe they should be banned from the ballroom. Don't go yelling shit at the judges. That's trashy. Ha ha ha! I just acted like the Kardashians know anything about class and decorum. That's rich. So out of those three couples, which are safe and which are still in jeopardy? Ricki and Derek are safe, duh. So are Elisabetta and Val. Wow, really? Elisabetta didn't understand the announcement, but she's thrilled. Rob and Cheryl are in jeopardy. God, it would be great if he went home. His sisters are all booing, like that helps now. Maybe people aren't voting for him because they don't want to hear those yentas cackling in the audience every week.

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Dancing With The Stars




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