Dance Your Ass Off

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
Ass Your Dance Off

I seem to have missed quite a bit last week, as Alicia is gone and there's some sort of Dance Your Ass Off DVD the winner gets to dance on as part of his or her prize. Also, it's the season finale! MJW gives us a recap of the entire season, and there's Alicia's screaming fit once again. Of course. I really hope the Dance Your Ass Off DVD comes with a full version of the theme song. So catchy!

MJW is celebrating the season finale with a slightly less-than-heinous dress. Best of all, it appears to be loose and flowing and not squeezing her to death. She still sucks at hosting, though. Like, she might smile as she reminds us that the winner gets $100,000, but underneath that smile is pure hatred and jealousy. The judges are released from the rhinestone egg. Lisa is all dressed up for the finale! And her lips look more real than ever! And then MJW tells us that the nine contestants sent home will be back this week. Hooray! I hope they've all kept the weight off and even lost some more.

At the loft, Ruben is boring Shayla to tears as he talks about how nervous he is to go home and get back into his life again. Then Angela walks in! Pinky, Shayla and Ruben actually remember who she is, which is surprising. Warren walks in next, not looking that much lighter than when he left. Warren is the king of backhanded compliments as he says that "Ruben looks like an ice cream cone that just melted in the sun." Actually, I don't even think that's a compliment at all. That's pure insult. And there's Karla, looking good! Tara gets three seconds of screentime for her entrance, which is almost as much as she got during her time on the show. And here comes Brandon... and then Miles! Holy crap, Miles looks great! Trice does a silly walk into the room and gets her ass felt up by Ruben. The fact that he can feel her ass tells you that she did not, in fact, dance her ass off. And then Mara, followed by Alicia, walk in. Tara says that Alicia looks "transformed." I'll say this -- she has a waist now! Hooray for Alicia! I can like her because I didn't have to watch the episode last week where she inevitably cried a thousand tears as she was kicked off. And then MJW and her giant hair walk in and hug everyone, even though she hates them all and they barely know who she is. She takes her place in front of the entire group and says she has "exciting news." The contestants will be performing with each other for the finale! I hope they do the dance they do in the opening credits. And I hope MJW does not do the dance she does in the opening credits. It looks like she has to go to the bathroom. MJW says they'll all be wearing what they wore during their first week to show how much they've changed. Does she mean their dance outfits or their regular clothes? I guess I'll find out. By the way, if it's the dance outfits, that's not to show the viewers how much they've changed -- it's to save money on wardrobe.

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Dance Your Ass Off




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