Episode Report Card
Sobell: B- | Grade It Now!
Bugs and Blood

Warning: Adult Content. I'm going to have to ask all of you underaged TWoP readers only to access this recap with an adult nearby. Parental discretion is advi...wait a minute. This is CBS. When it comes to their core audience, "parental discretion" doesn't involve gleefully flouting the rules, but enforcing them. Heck, read away.

The episode opens with a shot of the Stratosphere, and a glowing half-moon hanging behind it. We hear an ominous chord, and then we immediately see the discretionary content: what looks like a blue movie in the most literal sense of the word. It's all loud and violent sex with Joel Schumacher-like cuts from assorted body parts to assorted facial expressions. Gil and Catherine are standing there watching it; both of them look like they'd rather be watching anything else, up to and including a Saturday Night Live alumni film festival including The Ladies Man, The Animal, It's Pat, and Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights. The technician -- whose long nails are just the icing on her cake -- catches the overtly reproving look on Gil's face and says, "Okay, this is where it got weird." On the screen, we see the blue people: the woman's being yanked off the bed, whimpering and sobbing in fear as the man she's with pulls out a butcher knife. We move from the action on the screen to Gil and Catherine watching the screen. Then we move back to the screen: the movement of an arm and subtle "snick" tell us that the knife has been used, and the woman staggers back, her hand clamped over her throat a second too late, as a fine jet of blood arcs away. She collapses. The sassy tech -- have I mentioned how much I love her style? -- says, "I've processed hundreds of bogus snuff films, but this -- this one just felt different." Catherine is still watching the screen; she looks sad and outraged. She says, "Yeah, it should. Arterial spray was real." Gil -- who's elected to skip the "sad" portion and head straight toward pure misanthropic digust -- weighs in: "It's not fake blood; it's human." We switch back to the screen to see a large clot of blood slide down the window in the room, and then we focus on Gil, who looks very intent. He brings home the teaser: "That was a murder on 16-millimeter." ["Boooooooooooo." -- Wing Chun]

The Who play as I giggle over the diss to the big-screen snuff movie whodunit, 8MM, which stole hours from my life that I'll never be able to get back.

Then we get another warning that we're going to see adult content. Usually, I see this on the BBC only when I'm watching Manchild and idly fantasizing about the depredations to which I'd subject Anthony Stewart Head if the opportunity ever presented itself. If this episode contains adult content and Anthony Stewart Head, I'm all for it.

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