Paper Or Plastic

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C+ | Grade It Now!
When Double-Coupon Promotions Go Horribly Wrong

Brass leads the way into the grocery store. At least they've gotten the sickly green pallor right: I've long preferred to do my grocery shopping at night -- not because I need to thrill to the possibility of getting gunned down over Ho-Hos, but because I totally detest crowds and will go to extra effort to avoid them (and no, e-commerce is not an option, because I am control-freaky about picking my own produce) -- and it always amazes me that these places, which sell food, manage to bathe their goods in the least appetizing light possible. Anyway, Brass hunkers next to poor doomed Officer Clay's body and exposits, "Officer Clay entered the store unaware that there was a robbery in progress. Officer Fromansky came in after he heard a shot fired, engaged two suspects, lit the place up." Gil makes a boo-boo-kitty face; it's like he's never seen a dead body before or something. Catherine looks stricken. Warrick tries to look stricken, but lands somewhere around "Shit! Did I leave a load of darks in the washing machine at the Lucky Laundromat?"

Maybe Warrick's all freaked out because Brass teleported over to another body. He tells us the two guys in ski masks are currently John Does, but the other two bodies have wallet IDs. The camera does a neat little zooming thing back to Gil, who is now taking pictures of the dead bodies. We also see Catherine taking photos: she's snapping dead Tangiers cocktail waitress Julia Reed, while Warrick snaps cab driver Rufus Sanders, gunned down in the dairy aisle. There's a joke here about lactose intolerance, but really, you can make it yourselves. Rufus, by the way, is lying in a pool of bloody quarters. Warrick wanders on back to the juice section and snaps a photo of a Hefty bag full of cash, mostly $5 and $20 bills. Eventually, Gil and Catherine gravitate on over there, and Warrick asks how Gil wants them to "handle this" -- I'm going to assume he means "a five-body crime scene" by "this" -- and Gil replies, "Same way you'd eat an elephant." By hiding from outraged animal-rights activists who are torqued over your chowing down on a threatened or endangered species? Oh, wait: "One bite at a time."

Gil then checks out a tablecloth-clad display table and notices the round drops of blood leading to it. As he heads on over, he calls, "Hey, Jim? Did you know that Charles Manson is only 5'2'"?" Brass deadpans, "Yeah, little guys tend to overcompensate." As Gil creeps up on the table, he says casually, "Do you remember the story about how and where the marshals found old Charlie when they raided Barker Ranch?" Brass has finally caught on, so he prods Gil to continue with, "Yeah. I always, uh, I always liked that story." Brass pulls his gun, and the music swells all Psycho-like, and then we see a bloody little kid in the fetal position. Gil and Brass forget to mention that Charles Manson was found in a cabinet, and just kind of look shaken. Then Gil screams, "We need a medic!"

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