Crow's Feet

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C- | Grade It Now!
It is necessary to suffer to be beautiful.

Anyway, we're off to Ms. Loakes's apartment. She has quite the home gym set-up. Nicky comments, "Doc Robbins did say Renita was in shape." Catherine checks out the array of cosmeceuticals on the counter. There's also a battery of supplements. Nicky photographs the contents of Ms. Loakes' library -- The Hamptons Diet, The South Beach Diet, Tai Chi for Slowing Aging. Ms. Loakes seems like she was a colossal, self-obsessed bore in life. Catherine pulls out Ms. Loakes's contribution to the world of letters -- a supplement diary. The woman evidently inhaled a habitat's worth of animal and plant matter prior to ingesting whatever ghastly blender concoction she called "breakfast." Nicky examines one big bottle and asks, "Do you think these supplements do any good?" Catherine gets all defensive and asks, "Why are you asking me?" "Because you're all glowy and pretty and stuff, and oh God, my foot's in my mouth!" blurts Nicky. Oh, he does not. He grins and points out, "I'm just asking a [rhetorical] question, Catherine. It's not about you." Maybe he only thinks that last part. Catherine sniffs, "Scientifically, there's not a whole lot of evidence [that supplements work]." She saunters on over to Ms. Loakes's vanity, which could double as a Sephora outlet. Catherine picks up one tube and container after another, all of which have three-figure price tags. So Loakes would have been totally broke by retirement age, but she would have had excellent skin. That's forward-thinking. Nicky comes over and sniffs, "More lotions and potions." Catherine snaps, "You gonna ask me if this stuff works too?" Nicky assumes the "give me patience, Lord" look before saying, "No. I'm going to process the bathroom. Also, YOU'RE STILL PRETTY, okay? So give it a rest already." Catherine looks appeased, even though I made up most of that quote. Proving that she was an insanely self-involved cipher in life, Ms. Loakes kept a giant, glossy framed photo of herself on the vanity.

Inside Ms. Loakes's lovely blue-and-white bathroom, there's a metal tray thing that's fitted in the toilet seat, and what looks like a white wine glass on the counter. Both have some traces of liquid in them. Nicky snaps a photo, then calls to Catherine that she might want to take a look at this. Catherine tears herself away from gazing at her own reflection long enough to walk in. Nicky greets her with, "Urine in the bedpan, and in the glass." The piano of perversity plays as we flash back to Ms. Loakes decanting her morning tinkle into the glass, then toasting herself in the mirror prior to drinking. Oh, my…I just keep getting hung up on the white wine glass, because now I'm like, "Did she decide it was okay to drink human urine with chicken and seafood? Was she maybe hoping for an oaky aftertaste, or some light pear notes on the finish?" And also -- what is the point of looking good at age 60 or so if you had to drink your own pee to get there? That's a long time. Plus everyone would be whispering, "She's a total pee-drinker, I know it."

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