CSI
Crow's Feet

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It is necessary to suffer to be beautiful.

We get back from commercials, and David is now autopsying Our Lady of the Suppurations. Catherine bursts in, announcing that she's late because she was processing the scene. David looks as though he couldn't care less. He's more interested in announcing, "There are 42 distinctive laser burns on Julie Stern's body." So she's a particularly masochistic Douglas Adams fan? David continues, "Lasers cauterize the skin as they destroy tissue. Lack of blood and scabbing confirms their use, so best guess would be, she recently underwent a cosmetic procedure." We flash back to the procedure in question. Catherine says that's not an unreasonable conclusion, what with the victim being booked into a suite because "women who don't want their friends to know they're freshening up will check into the suite while they heal." David figures a five-star hotel suite's also cheaper than a hospital stay. And, one would hope, considerably more comfortable. Catherine asks if complications from getting your skin polka-dotted by lasers could have been the cause of death, and David shoots that down. The only funky thing on the body are the Mees' lines on her fingernails (we've seen these before) so David's got a tox screen on hair for heavy metals poisoning. He then adds, "I'm not sure if it's probative, but I found 10 cc's of urine in her stomach. Digestive system's intact. There are no bruises around her mouth, so there's only one way it could have gotten there." A horrified-looking Catherine replies, "Chug-a-lug."

And now we're going to the circus! There's a striped tent and everything. But it's a small tent, so I bet it's one guy holding a "Cirque du So Lame" sign while his girlfriend the gymnast "interprets" the musical stylings of Enya for a bored audience. And I bet wrong: according to Captain Exposition, there is no struggling suburban circus here, but a house that was tented for termites two days ago. The exterminators came back today to clear the house of insect carcasses, but found the dead body of Eliot Beckman (the erstwhile homeowner) instead. The poor guy was either 42 or 52, depending on whether you're relying upon the closed-captioning for verisimilitude, or Brass.

Gil, Sara, and Liam the Erstwhile Lab Tech enter the house. As is meet and right, the female CSI's in a tank top, and the most junior member of the team is toting all the cases. Gil opens the door, an unearthly blue light fills the screen, and the instrumental music gets all wifty. Oh, we are going to see Cirque du So Lame after all! Lucky us! Gil sees the dead bugs all over the floor, and looks distressed; he composes himself enough to explain, "Exterminators use sulfuryl fluoride. It kills the bugs, and then evaporates. Agro scientists call it the 'safety' fumigant." Once again, William Petersen manages to make it clear that he's putting ironic quotes around a word. He may be the only actor working who's capable of enunciating marks of punctuation; I look forward to the day he stretches as an artist and tries the curly brackets.

Sara and Gil sprint on over to Beckman's body, while Liam elects to stay behind, wincing as he steps on bugs, and thinks, "In the DNA lab, we at least had lights." To make himself feel better, he looks for evidence instead, and actually finds some: eyeglasses, some distance away from the body, and a puddle of dried vomit. He then continues to wander through the house, finding some long blue feathers. Lest anyone accuse him of professionalism on the job, Liam then busts out the fake riddles: "What flies when they're on and floats when they're off?" Gil, of course, knows the answer. Liam's off to bag the feathers. Sara notices that Beckman's sporting a bruised cheek. Gil wonders what the guy was doing in here anyway. Waiting for the Cirque du So Lame, I tell you! The feathers have got to be part of a clown costume.

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