CSI
Crow's Feet

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Sobell: C- | Grade It Now!
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It is necessary to suffer to be beautiful.

In order to answer that question, Catherine and Nicky review Ms. Stern's and Ms. Loakes's regimens at Dr. Malaga's. Both of them had hydrogen peroxide therapy which, we find out, is when "a 3% solution is injected directly into a client's vein, bathing the red cells in nourishing oxygen, boosting the immune system, and reversing the signs of aging." It is frightening how well the writers approximated the pseudoscientific mumbo-jumbo that spas use to bludgeon their customers' skepticism. If the aromatherapy candles and the pseudo-ethnic "rainforest serenity sounds" music don't cause your brain to go sliding out of your ears, bring in the semi-plausible-sounding explanations. I mean, I love spas, but they're not my number-one source for keeping up with cutting-edge medical technologies, you know?

And now it's time for the science montages. We're going to determine who pulled the Bob's feathers (and, it will be reasoned, attacked and killed Beckman at some point during the bird-mutilating incident), and we're going to see whether a 3% H2O2 solution can be lethal if injected. And yes, Gil is so good, he can pull an intact fingerprint off a feather. Was it ever in doubt?

Surprise, surprise, Beckman's killer is the exterminator. No, not the nice bald guy who gave Beckman and his bird a lift to the Four Aces motel. The other one --the gas guy, Ted. Sara wields the power of the warrant to rifle through his drawers and finds a dazzling array of purloined items. From thence, it's a quick trip to the conclusion: the gas guy would wait for people to leave, go through the house looking for items to nick, then seal it up. However, Beckman was coming back to the house to get a cage for Bob and he caught Ted. Rather than leave the house to call 911, he walked into another room, thus giving Ted the perfect opportunity to knock him out and seal him in a multi-species death chamber. Gil, meanwhile, has found and bonded with Bob. Ted says he's not admitting to anything, and Gil cheerfully tells him, "You don't have to. We know why the caged bird sings."

Moving right along toward rapid plot resolution, Nicky and Catherine determine that cells begin a-popping when the H2O2 concentration is 30%, or, as Nicky calculates, "That's ten times the concentration specified on the menu." "The death was in the decimal," Catherine intones. My brain cells begin lysing in reaction to the high concentration of lame one-liners.

Cut to an attack lawyer telling Catherine and Nicky that Dr. Malaga committed no crime. Catherine says heatedly, "He injected a lethal batch of hydrogen peroxide into two of his patients." The lawyer's all, "Yawn. It could have been a tragic accident. Also, the women were asking for it, as the procedures were elective." Then there's some blah-blah-blah between Catherine and the doctor where it's totally clear he's dying to inject a soup can's worth of botulism toxin into her forehead and she's dying to take out her aging issues on his face with her fists. She ends by promising to point the next of kin towards a good civil lawyer so they can file wrongful death suits.

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