Episode Report Card
Sobell: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Pissed off

Cut to Brass entering the hotel room and telling us the decedent's name was Martha Krell, and she's been stabbed to death. Martha's laid on the bed in posed position: on her side, hands tucked up around her head. She's also wearing only her lingerie. At least she was killed with her nice underwear on; there's nothing sadder than a woman with raggedy drawers.

Gil takes one look at the scene and pronounces it "weird." Coming from Gil, one can only wonder what supernatural phenomena we're about to see. Sadly, he only thinks that it's weird because there's "no sign of struggle. No clothes, no luggage." Sara adds that "the bedspread's undisturbed. Trash can is empty and the inside is spotless. It's possible a liner's been removed." She and Gil stand around, mutually creeped out by the orderliness. Brass orders everyone to take a sniff, but because I do not have Disney Surround Smell at home, I can't join in the fun. The CSIs tell me the place smells too clean -- like a hospital, full of bleaches and deodorizers. "Attack the victim, and then clean and sanitize the room," Sara says. Oh, great. It's another one of those goddamn overachieving serial killers again. Or worse -- one that read Home Comforts. Gil replies, "Ah, but here's the smell of the blood still. And all the perfumes in Arabia will not sweeten this little room."

The Who would like to know if maybe the killer also played Lady MacBeth in a local dinner theatre production.

After we get back from commercials, Emergency Backup David's sticking a meat thermometer in Martha's liver and coming up with 83 degrees Fahrenheit, so she's been dead approximately ten hours. Sara and Emergency Backup David then lay out the body so Sara can get a clear photograph of the wounds; as they rotate Martha on the bed and pull her legs straight, we hear all her joints crack. It would be more macabre if I didn't hear the same thing every time I shifted position. Martha's hands are covered in blood owing to the defensive wounds on her hands. "She did not want to die," Sara concludes. Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three chooses this moment to stumble in, and immediately asks as to the whereabouts of his Adopted Father. "Bathroom," Sara says calmly. Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three's expression telegraphs how very much he'd like to see the phrase "the powder room" reintroduced into polite conversation, and Sara explains that Gil's working the case.

Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three wanders into what is the second-nicest hotel bathroom I've ever seen, just in time for Gil to ask him to fetch his Leatherman/Swiss Army Knife/non-trademarked "multipurpose tool." Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three hands it over with the Philips head dingus extended. He asks why Gil's in the tub, and Gil explains, "Calgon is taking me away to a land where every minute is the 48-minute mark, so I can solve the case and go to Disneyland. I hear it looks just like Las Vegas."

Oh, he does not. Instead, Gil explains, "Well, the stabbing was brutal, but the crime scene was clean. No cast-off, no spatter. So I want to know if the killer washed the blood down the drain." Gil unscrews the tub's drain cover, gives it a quick once-over, then yanks out a large and disgusting clump of hair. He hands it over to his adopted son number three with a request to "Swab and phenol this, will you?" Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three does, and immediately reports that there is blood. Wow, that's a really good test. Gil orders Grasshopper, His Adopted Son Number Three to label the hairball and send it to DNA. Oh, Mia will just love it, no doubt.

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