Episode Report Card
Sobell: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Pissed off

And now, the scene that makes me think, "Wow, does it suck to be a judge," what with having to deal with warrant requests based on five-year-old fingerprints manipulated via a new computer program. "It wasn't manipulated. It was fabricated. There's a difference," Gil explains to the judge. No, not really. He says, "It wasn't manipulated. It was processed. That's what we do." The judge is all, "Feel free to make that distinction to the defense attorney. It's one thing to put the print through AFIS. It's another to use a background subtraction algorithm to isolate the print from a bedspread." Gil snaps, "It's not my fault the courts lag behind the technology." He leaves the "Judge Luddite" hanging in the air. The judge says, "I'm sympathetic to your request, but if I grant a warrant based upon this print, and the print is later thrown out of court, then everything you find as a result of it would be excluded and your pattern rapist could be back on the street. Give me something else, I'll be happy to grant you a warrant." "Your Honor, are you propositioning me?" Gil asks. Oh, he does not. But wouldn't this scene go in a whole new weird direction if he were? What Gil really does is argue that he needs the warrant. The judge says she'll be the judge of that, and tells him to find another way. Gil stares, clearly exasperated with these puny humans and their antiquated justice system.

Cut to Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three and some detective watching Jesse, a.k.a. the guy who used to be known as the Thin Baldwin. So does Stephen Baldwin get his BioDome residuals in the form of Cheetos? Did someone press an "inflate" valve on the back of his neck? Did he and Daniel swap bodies on a dare? I mean, I'm sympathetic to the metabolism deciding that your thirties are a fine time to slow down and all, but this is stunning. The detective watches Jesse take a swig of his coffee, and cracks, "It's kind of like bird-watching, isn't it?" "I wouldn't know. I haven't been able to do it since I watched The Birds," Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three replies. Or maybe that's my excuse. Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three just wouldn't know about birding. The detective asks, "So I got a question. I hear the killer completely wiped down the crime scene. So why do you think he left his semen behind? He could have worn a condom." Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three explains, "Before committing a crime, a typical serial rapist will often masturbate to the perfect rape-murder fantasy. Didn't wear a condom then, didn't want to wear one during the act." You know what they say -- it's like killing with your raincoat on. Another consideration: if the cops don't have your DNA on file, why bother? Anyway, Jesse wanders off without tossing his coffee cup, thus making it fair game for Grasshopper, Gil's Adopted Son Number Three to collect. He explains, "If the DNA on this cup matches the seminal DNA, then Grissom won't need a warrant, we'll be making an arrest."

The Bad Boys of the Swing Shift are in the Hawkins living room, while the parents plead to see their son. I'm sure what they're saying is very heart-rending, but frankly, I'm more enthralled by the gorgeous built-in bookcases wrapped around their large living room window. "You could frame the Hawkinses for a crime they didn't commit, then snap up the house at a police auction," the husband suggests from the depths of the couch, and I consider it for a moment before remembering that this is a fictional show. Curses!

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