CSI
Burked

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Burked Goods

Over the cliffs and through the dunes, to Brentwood we will go. Kidding! We're apparently in Las Vegas. You remember Vegas -- lush, green Vegas, where the emerald carpets of grass roll beneath a verdant canopy of trees? Right? Anyway, a garderner's truck pulls up, the gardener pops out -- Big Gulp in hand -- and gathers together his tools to begin the task of taming the dense native foliage of desert Nevada. If you ask me, his talents are wasted: if he can do this kind of landscape work using only a few gardening tools and a millionaire's payroll, imagine what he'd do with, say, Mars. NASA has much better toys and a much bigger budget. Two big beautiful yellow labs greet him at the truck -- evidently not a normal occurrence -- and he walks through the open gate to the patio door where the dogs are stationed, baying their little canine hearts out. He peers through the blinds and registers a pair of inert legs laying on the floor. Fortunately, the legs are attached to a boxer-shorts-wearing body (hey, with this show, never assume anything); unfortunately, the legs and body appear dead.

Cut to an exterior shot of the mansion, or, as we'll be referring to it for the duration of this recap, the crime scene. Catherine strides through the crowd, CSI equipment kit in hand, looking very businesslike as she enters the house. I reflexively begin looking for Brass, or, as we'll be referring to him for the duration of my recapping career at Mighty Big TV, Captain Exposition. Instead, Catherine nearly trips over Gil; a burly plainclothes officer raises a cautionary hand and she peers down to see Gil lying on the floor, peering intently while he surveys a few square inches with a penlight. In daylight. Anyway, Gil raises a latex-gloved hand to Catherine in the universal "shush" sign, she squats down to see what he's found…and we're all sucked in as we learn that Gil has been looking for a missing contact lens for the detective.

That little errand dispatched, Gil and Catherine walk toward the body. Catherine provides us with a little backstory: the house belongs to Tony Braun, son of Vegas business giant Sam Braun. As she's speaking, the camera pans over family portraits. Gil cracks, "He was Steve Wynn before Steve Wynn." "You bet your ass," responds Catherine, who it appears has usurped not only Brass's role as Captain Exposition, but also his back-up duty of delivering the episode's most vaguely profane lines. "Sam came to Vegas when Vegas was dying. Built three casinos in a year. Had ties to Bugsy Siegel." Gosh, Catherine's up on her local business titans. Why, oh, why do we suppose that is?

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CSI

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