Bad Words

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C+ | Grade It Now!
A hot temper

Anyway, Nicky shows the match that was used to start the garage fire, then upends a grocery sack filled with matchbooks and tells Liam, "See if you can find a match to one of those." The music of whimsical dismay plays as Liam gradually realizes that there's more to being a CSI than fending off the advances of the lab monkeys and issuing gnomic utterances whilst standing hip-deep in gore.

Down in the morgue, David the Pedagogical Coroner is standing over the body of Mr. 735 and calling on Emergency Backup David to recite the three most common ways to asphyxiate. For the record, they're strangulation, suffocation, and choking. Emergency Backup David then lays a bet that this guy choked. We then cut to an aerial shot of David working on the body, with its throat laid open. The effect is discomfiting, as it looks like someone laid a small cheese pizza between chin and sternum. I should know better than to eat anything with tomatoes in it when I'm watching this show. David makes a series of wet-sounding snips with the surgical scissors, then pulls out some esophagus. They snip it open, and find a small round tile imprinted with the letter "S."

Cut to Gil staring at the tile and saying flatly, "An S." "Cause of death," David adds. What, the guy died from an excess of alveolar fricatives? No -- it was not death by phonemes: the guy choked on the tile. Gil wonders, "So, he swallows a tile and tries to give himself a Heimlich?" We flash to that scenario, where the guy is desperately trying to dislodge the tile, only to knock himself out on the mirror, fall unconscious to the ground, and die from a remarkable confluence of improbable events. David then pulls out another six tiles and comments, "You don't swallow six of them by accident."

Cut to Liam looking grim as he works. He is so totally going to leave Icy Hot in Nicky's gym shorts for this.

Eventually, he finishes his task and reports to Warrick and Nicky that nary a match adds up. Nicky points out, "Doesn't mean she didn't do it." It's hard to tell what Nicky's more smitten with -- Viva, or the prospect of her committing the crime. He then busts another Snicky move by noting that arson's usually a property crime, and asks Warrick what the Abernathys' financial situation is like. The answer: fairly dire. Mrs. A was not rolling in insurance policies, and thus would not be paying off her substantial credit card debt with any benefits. Warrick then pulls out a photo of the departed Mr. A and notes, "Besides, people tend to remove mementoes when they know what's coming." Liam wonders, "So if the pyro didn't do it for love, and Mrs. A didn't do it for money, who's left?" Nicky, who's now reading the stack of newspapers he found, muses that maybe the high school baseball team did it. He explains that it's the McKinley High School Gazette, and editor in chief Sabrina Abernathy was about to blow the whistle on the baseball team's varsity hazing.

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