City of Angels
Unhand Me

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Omar G: D | Grade It Now!
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Unhand Me

Cut to the Bald Men's Room -- Ron Harris's plush office -- where Harris is sitting at his desk across from a bald white guy. Harris grins stupidly for no real reason, and then Price walks in. Both men stand as if this is the first time they've ever been this close to Vivica A. Fox. Harris introduces the man as Dr. Irving something, but is interrupted. "Dr Irwin Cutler," the man says, "Joint Commission." Just when I think this is the start of a really swinging party, it turns out that "Joint Commission" is Jayko, the organization that accredits the hospital. Cutler says he's there for a pre-review and that they should be glad they've been chosen. Harris, still grinning like a loon, says, "Yes, yes, we're proud," and then gets in his inappropriate metaphor of the week: "Our Jayko preparation is like a delicate symphony." So are certain brands of Hershey's chocolate bars. "Any premature performance," Harris begins, while most men watching the show cringe, "would only confirm your readiness for the full survey next week!" Cutler finishes for Harris. "Shall we?" Cutler invites. Harris nods and smiles like Jayko is a DisneyWorld add-on. Cutler wrinkles his eyebrows invitingly. Dr. Price looks like she'd rather be anywhere else, like maybe on the set of Why Do Fools Fall in Love?

Price, Cutler, and Harris walk down the hallway, where Harris points out that they color-coded the linoleum. Hey, it's not required by Jayko, but the ladies dig it. Harris sees a guy pushing a breakfast cart toward them. He tries to divert the group, but Cutler says he wants to ask the young fellow a few questions. The cart guy, who greets them with, "Good day, brothers!...Sister!" is the spiritual heir of Chris Rock's mailroom clerk character in Boomerang. Cutler introduces himself to the man as "J. Cutler." Look, are you Irwin, Irving, or J.? Cutler must thinks he's The Talented Mr. Cutler. Cutler asks Breakfast Cart Guy to point out the nearest fire extinguisher. Now come on, J. Not even the firefighters know that. Breakfast Cart Guy says, "Hell, that would be like pissing in the wind, man. This old barn would go up so fast you'd best just kick back and trip on the pyrate." Price looks embarrassed, Harris looks chagrined and Cutler looks confused, as if he's forgotten his "Black to Very Very Very White Language Decoder Ring." Cutler asks Breakfast Cart Guy to "state the mission of his department." Oh Lord. Breakfast Cart Guy starts rambling about something and calls the Jayko guy "Mr. Cutler." "Dr. Cutler," the man interrupts. This guy is all about the name games. Cutler asks what the Breakfast Cart Guy would do if the nurse said his next patient was on a low-sodium diabetic diet. "I'm cool. I got extra trays on board," Breakfast Cart Guy answers. Harris and Price offer support that their Meals on Cart Wheels are second-to-none. "Talk is cheap," Cutler says. So is changing your name every ten seconds. Breakfast Cart Guy pulls out a tray from the bottom to satisfy Cutler. He pulls off the cover and inside is a big, nasty-looking disembodied hand.

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City of Angels

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