City of Angels
Ax And Ye Shall Receive

Episode Report Card
Omar G: D | Grade It Now!
Ax And Ye Shall Receive

Turner comes back into the ER and tells Wilford Brimley that his tests came back negative -- what he has is probably gastrointestinal. "You people are hacks!" the patient says angrily, and all of the City of Angels staff writers look up and go "huh?" before Steven Bochco whacks them on the head with a rolled-up newspaper so they'll get back to work. Brimley again threatens that the hospital will lose accreditation if they don't get him to the heart lab immediately. Harris tells Turner to comply and Turner backs down while Wilford Brimley continues puffing on the oxygen mask.

Cut to Breakfast Cart Guy, my favorite bit of comic relief, who is rolling down the hallway wearing a big, pointy ski hat. He runs into one of the Jayko committee members who is wearing a really, really loud yellow business suit. I mean, this thing is so loud that the hatchet in Mabry's skull is reverberating from the sound waves coming off this suit. Breakfast Cart Guy notices this too, because when she stops him to ask questions, he smiles goofily at her. She asks him to point out the nearest fire extinguisher, which he's able to do: it's down the hall, to the left. She asks what he would do if there were a fire. He gives a very correct answer about coordinating a patient transfer with the nurses. But because he's comic relief, he adds, "But it would be a whole lot easier if we all had yellow canary suits like yours so we could fly out the window." He then makes chirping sounds. Bamboo Heather laughs, but then again she's made of bamboo and granite.

Dr. Williams is measuring Mabry's head hatchet with a little wussy piece of measuring tape that looks like it came out of a sewing kit. Have I mentioned that Williams is a bit on the wussy side? A bit light in the wuss? If he were a big juicy steak, he's be marinated in Wusscestershire sauce. Anyway, Williams says that they've tried everything to get Mabry into the CAT scan machine, but he and the hatchet won't fit. Wiliams says the prostate cancer also complicated the procedure, so Turner suggests a new process that will lower the risk of renal failure. It sounded like an interesting process, but I missed exactly what the procedure was because I was still trying to think of ways to say that Williams is a wuss.

Turner goes outside where Ron Harris and the infinitely less dapper Wilford Brimley are waiting to get in for their own scan. Turner says a more pressing case is keeping them waiting. Brimley gets mad and says he minds very much being kept waiting. Mabry is wheeled out and rather than show some doctorly compassion, Dr. Brimley loses it, upset that he is being bumped for "some bum" who got into a hatchet fight on the street. I must have missed the Dateline NBC report on hatchet-based gang warfare. Turner gets really, really mad and says that it is Wilford Brimley who is the bum in this scenario. He goes on to call him a spoiled, rotten, self-centered bureaucrat. More accreditation threats. Turner tells him to take those accreditation threats and stick them "up [his] ass." Harris gets in Turner's face, but is rebuffed when Turner gives a speech about the hospital belonging to Mabry and all of his hatchet-injured contemporaries. The speech is nice, but what follows isn't: Wilford Brimley begins letting loose a stream of flatulence that reminds us of Blazing Saddles, but without the funny. "Heart attack my ass," Turner says as we fade to black and white for the least dramatic reason in television history. Flatulence follows us to commercial.

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City of Angels




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