City of Angels
Assume The Position

Episode Report Card
Omar G: D | Grade It Now!
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Ya'll Are Brutalizin' Me

Cut to the ER, where a seventeen-year-old girl is brought in with a gunshot wound. She looks just like one of those insufferable twins from the Old Navy ads who, with her sister, has starred in maybe fourteen twin-based sitcoms of their own with names like Double Trouble or Just the Two of Us or Wrigley Doublemint Presents.... You get the idea. Somebody had enough of her crap and decided to shoot her. She moans and screams while Weiss and Patterson take the helm on her treatment. They transfer her to a bed, while the cops accuse her of walking out of a convenience store with a stolen forty-ounce beverage and getting shot by the store owner. The girl threatens to shoot the store owner or at least put her in a really ugly orange Old Navy vest. Weiss continues to try to treat her while she flails and thrashes. Weiss, who looks more and more like King Ad Rock every day, tells her that if she doesn't settle down, he'll send her to surgery where she'll be laid up for a week instead of one day. She settles. Patterson, who's been giving Weiss the cold shoulder lately, looks impressed. Weiss tells the cops that no surgery will be necessary. Patterson turns to leave and tells Weiss she's going to meet her father. "Say hello to him for me if he'll hear it," he says, and she looks simultaneously annoyed and amused. The cops say that there are more shootings at the convenience store, so they'll be back. Weiss turns to his patient. "Whatchoo lookin' at?" she asks. Weiss is caught having deep fantasies about purchasing large quantities of cheap cargo pants.

In the waiting room, Papa Patterson is sitting next to a wheezing, coughing homeless man. Nurse Patterson comes in to meet him (her dad, not the wheezy guy). She gives her dad a small peck and the homeless man says, "Hey, nurse! Bums need kissin' too!" "Find one without a cough and we'll talk," she answers. Papa Patterson is there for a work physical. He asks about the doctor he's supposed to be seeing: "He is a white man, correct, Grace?" Papa Patterson (who happens to be black) asks. Grace Patterson, who has heard all this before, says she lined it up just like he asked. He goes on about how it's his right to have a doctor with whom he's comfortable. Grace gets visibly frustrated, but puts up with it.

Cut to the police station where a tarty prostitute is being led away by someone who looks like Chris Rock. "Rock this, ya ho!" he seems to say. Price, who is waiting on a bench, gets up when they let Ben Turner out of the holding cell. "Thanks for coming," he says glumly. She asks why his shirt is all dirty. Turner, who looks exhausted, acts like he doesn't want to talk about it. "They rubbed dirt on you?" she asks. "In a fashion," he responds. Price asks if Turner got beat up. He says he just wants to go. Price asks for the names of the officers. Turner says he hasn't gotten much sleep, he's due back at the hospital, and he just wants to leave. Price gets all indignant like she always does and walks off, looking to pick a fight. She finds a desk sergeant who looks like one of the Chicago Bears Superfans from Saturday Night Live. Price asks for his commanding officer. The sergeant says the CO isn't in, but she can leave a message. Price says he can expect a call from Ed O' Malley -- the chairman of the county board of supervisors -- about police brutality. The sergeant sarcastically says they'll be waiting by the phone. Turner pulls Price away because he just wants some sleep. "Officer Harvell," she says, pointing to the sergeant, "I got your name." For what? Her fan website's e-mail list?

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City of Angels

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