Chuck vs. the Santa Suit

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: B | Grade It Now!
I Saw Beckman Kissing Santa Claus

This show would like me to believe that -- even given their recent kidnapping adventure -- Ellie and Awesome had not planned anything for their daughter's first Christmas and are now panicking on Christmas Eve trying to get decorations and a picture with Santa. Really? The Woodcombs are the type of people that have their house done up to the nines the day after Thanksgiving and have all of their gifts carefully wrapped and chosen well before Black Friday. But nope, here we're supposed to think that they've both lost their minds and forgotten about the holidays until a mere few hours before. And that in the face of some major virus that might take down all of the computers in the world, Sarah would have time to go shopping for decorations. Let's forget everything we know about these people in order to make a storyline work, shall we?

If you can put aside that, there were actually some surprisingly decent moments in this episode… most of them involving one Mr. Daniel Shaw, who programmed the Omen virus to take down the lock on his prison cell so that he could escape and exact his revenge on Sarah. He's still hella pissed about her killing his wife and/or dumping him… but mostly the wife thing, and has decided to string her up in a castle by a cross beam with care, in the hopes that her dopey loving husband soon will be there. His plan involves making her freeze to death in a wife beater, while he uses the Omen to extract information from the CIA so that he can upload the Intersect 3.0 into his brain.

Chuck comes up with a plan to stop him. The first part involves having Morgan harness the power of Jeff and Lester (by bribing them with Subway sandwiches… of course) to figure out exactly what the Omen virus is doing. Next up is sending Casey into Castle to retrieve Sarah, and then using Beckman to crash a CIA Christmas party (with Stan Lee in attendance for half a second) in order to get some device that Shaw wants in exchange for Sarah's survival. To do this Chuck steals Big Mike's Santa suit (upsetting Ellie in the process) and flirts with a drunken agent and ends up getting a big smooch from Beckman to keep their cover. Now there's something I never thought I'd see on this show. Is it too late for me to become General Chuckman shippers?

Chuck gets back to the Buy More, realizes what Shaw is up to and clears the place… which is filled with panicked techies who are worried about the Omen virus taking down their Angry Birds apps or some crap, because he remembers that Shaw once blew up the Buy More. Then he invites Shaw to come up and take him on mano-a-mano. Shaw tries to upload the new intersect into his brain, but Chuck has reversed programmed it, so Shaw ends up having to fight like a normal person and is eventually taken down by Ellie and a frying pan. Someone on the writing staff has seen Tangled a few too many times, methinks.

While all of this is happening, Casey is down in Castle talking to a stuffed toy, pouring out his feelings for his daughter. And Morgan is trying to be useful in saving a frozen icicle that resembles Sarah.

After all is said and done, all the Buy More crew get to have a very Merry Christmas (thanks to General Beckman and her CIA resources), Carmichael Industries employees get their government jobs back, Big Mike gets to don his Santa suit, Ellie gets her dream Christmas and everyone lives happily ever after. Well, aside from Sarah who submits to Shaw's request to visit him in jail. He's going into solitary confinement but reminds her about Hungary and leaves her with the parting words: "Does Chuck know about the baby?"

Oh, good lord. I was having some holiday good will towards this show, but the commercials for next week have Sarah with an infant strapped in a Baby Bjorn shooting weapons. Could this show get any more ridiculous? Actually. I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that.

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