Engaged And Confused

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 1 USERS: C
Engaged And Confused

Okay, so remember when I warned you to keep a little running tally of Chrissssty's many social faux-pas earlier in the evening? This last sequence of events, from the destruction of Zar's lair through the summoning of The Zombie Triad, is the apparent payoff for all that. In short, she's been playing both the Manor Morons and her grossly deficient sister all along with that simpering-and-barefoot naïf act of hers, and not only has she secretly been far more competent than those around her, but I'm willing to believe she's been thoroughly trained every tiny little facet of proper human etiquette as well. Hell, I'd even go so far as to wager that The Zombie Triad paid La Banks a tidy sum of cash to train little Miss Chrissssty here on proper runway posture and attitude, so that nonsense with Phoebe's slingbacks at the top of the hour? Also a bit of wily subterfuge on her part. And so I find myself offering Chrissssty a heartfelt "Brava!" for the second week in a row. Way to go, doll. With less than twenty minutes of screentime in total, you've managed to become a far more interesting character than your retarded sister's been all season.

Back on the sun porch, Chrissssty and The Triad snipe at and bicker with each other before getting down to business: The Zombie Triad's apparent leader "Asmodeus" -- and yes, I looked it up in the casting sides, and shut up, because I never would have figured it out otherwise -- quickly realizes that Zar is behind it all, and yet in none of the subsequent babbling does anyone present a solution to that particular problem, because when the demons on this show aren't complete, blithering idiots, they are woefully unfocused and disorganized. No, instead of plotting Zar's downfall, The Zombie Triad and Chrissssty choose instead to discuss matters Retard, specifically Chrissssty's rapidly waning hopes of "getting [The Retard] back" now that the Charmed Ones have The Triad in their crosshairs. "You will," Asmodeus assures her, "just as we promised. You're still the Key, and you're still in perfect position." "Soon you will show her the way," one of the others -- "Fat Dude With The Stupid Earring" (or, you know, "Baliel") -- promises. "If," the final one -- "Candor" -- amends, "we can prevent Zar from doing any more damage." Well, you know, you could always torch him with Flaming Balls Of Death instead of standing around talking about it, IDIOTS. Whatever! CANCELLED! YEEEEEEEEEEE!

Back in the nonexistent attic, The Retard's doing that stupid scrying-by-computer thing that I hate so much. Shut up, Retard. Meanwhile, Piper slams the Book shut with a sigh of frustration just as Raige orbs back into the nonexistent room with the Feebs in tow. Phoebe whinges about Coop for several unnecessary minutes before the assembled ladies settle down to bang their heads together over the far-more-pressing Zombie Triad situation. "What did Cole do?" Raige wonders. Phoebe hasn't a clue, so either they never discussed it -- which I find difficult to believe, given the length of their relationship and the nature of their work -- or she's a boneheaded moron and forgot. You choose. The invocation of the Colethazor's name, however, does give Piper an idea: "Maybe we need a demon to vanquish them." "Whaaaaaah?" bleats The Retard, so Piper plots out her still-gestating plan as best she can using words of five letters or fewer. Or something like that. Basically, all they need do is figure out a way to get one Zombie Triad to kill another Zombie Triad. Once that happens, "the collective" will be weakened to the point that the gals should be able to take out the other two with their own powers. "How do you propose we do that?" Raige squints. "I don't know," Piper snorts. "I'm making this up as I go." Not funny, and shut up, Piper, and why am I getting angry about that, because CANCELLED! Praise Jesus, it's CANCELLED! Long story short, Raige suddenly realizes this might be the final battle The Angel Of Teasley foresaw, and so bails to make nice with Darling Henry. "If something happens to me," she explains when Piper protests, "I don't want the last thing Henry remembers about us is arguing." Um. [Sic]. Raige spazzes her poorly-spoken self out of the nonexistent attic. The remaining Manor Morons exchange Looks Fraught With Significance and sigh.

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