Engaged And Confused

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 1 USERS: C
Engaged And Confused

...Phoebe kicking in the door of the condominium beneath her own. The place is empty. "I knew it!" she seethes before spinning around and darting upstairs to...

...The Hagquarters, where she snatches up the cordless to place an urgent call to the Manor. The gorgeous Victor Webster casually ambles around from his hiding place behind a support pillar and grins, "Took you long enough." My, but he's tall. Phoebe, immune to Victor Webster's many, many charms for the moment, widens her eyes in terror and clocks him in the chin with the cordless. Victor Webster demolishes a decorative end table with his large frame on his way to the floor, but quickly recovers to chuckle that execrable line from Love Story that I'll not be repeating here. As he moves to pull himself back to his feet, Phoebe aims the heel of her stiletto pump at his pretty, pretty face in what would be a well-placed though unfortunately and unforgivably damaging kick were Victor Webster not able at this moment to activate the mojo in his chunky opal Cupid ring and freeze her. For yes, gentle reader, as we shall soon learn once he thaws her out and barrages her with a hail of exposition, Victor Webster is indeed "Cupid, or one of them, anyway," sent to The Hagquarters by the ever-useless Elders to aid and abet Phoebe in her neverending quest to get knocked up. Or something like that. Something very much like that, I'm afraid. You see, the ever-useless Elders "feel guilty about how everything" in Phoebe's life "got messed up after they enlisted [her]," so they sent "Coop" down to help her "get things back on track." Just go with it all, because there are only six episodes left, okay? Please? For me? Yeah, Phoebe's faith in "true love" was supposedly restored last season through Cole's intervention in the form of Billy Zane, but whatever. Victor Webster's bringing the dimpled and sorely needed masculine pretty, and Alyssa Milano's surprisingly unannoying thus far in her scenes with him, so I'm going to let this particular bit of plot recycling slide for now. By the way, Coop also announces that Phoebe's future child is "destined, but [they] are gonna have to hurry." "But my star charts," Phoebe sighs, trailing off dejectedly. "All wonky," he insists. "Your math sucks." Hee. Go figure. Anyway, long story short, Phoebe snarls something dismissive and bails to go kill the Zombie Triad while Coop, left alone, snickers something to himself about Phoebe being an unexpected challenge, or whatever. Scene.

Back at the Manor, Raige, via her cell, orders Darling Henry to call all those invited to the engagement party and cancel, as "there might not be a tomorrow night" for the Glamorous Ladies, like, what the fuck ever, Raige. You have six dreadful episodes left, and you're not getting out of it that easily. None of us are. Though God knows death would be preferable. In any event, Darling Henry reluctantly acquiesces to Raige's demands and hangs up on her to begin notifying his would-be guests that their presence is no longer expected at the Manor.

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