Engaged And Confused

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 1 USERS: C
Engaged And Confused

Meanwhile, over at The Hagquarters, Chrissssty and The Retard bond over a compact and a bit of blush for a while until Phoebe enters to adorn Chrissssty's decidedly non-maggoty neck with one of Phoebe's own baubles. Just then, Victor Webster unexpectedly barges through Phoebe's door, much to Phoebe's bug-eyed consternation, and much to The Retard's lispy delight. Victor plays it off like he just moved in to the condominium directly below Phoebe's and must have exited the elevator on the wrong floor, but that's not even remotely believable, so we'll just wave goodbye to him for now and continue with the scene at hand, because you know he's going to explain the real reason for his presence in excruciating detail later on, so whatever. The ladies jaw about Victor for a bit before Chrissssty rises to slip into another of Phoebe's fashion atrocities. The Retard moves to assist her, but Chrissssty's all, "Excuse me! I think I can dress myself by now!" so The Retard drops her oddly proportioned ass back onto Phoebe's divan while Chrissssty heads into The Hagquarters Boudoir alone. Once there, she swings the door shut to reveal Zar, lurking in the corner dressed as a member of The Triad. Chrissssty's barely allowed enough time to squeak out a gasp of fright before Zar quite violently pimp-smacks her straight through one of the posts of Phoebe's canopied bed and all the way across the mattress, where she lands in a tangled heap on the floor at the far side of the room. That was probably the best stuntwork I've seen all season on this godforsaken show. Pity my new best girlfriend Dawn Ostroff CANCELLED IT YESTERDAY. Hee! Anyway, Phoebe and The Retard, noting the ungodly racket, race to the Boudoir and arrive just in time to watch Zar melt through the floorboards in a dissolving black smear of a column, the unconscious Chrissssty in his arms. "The Triad!" Phoebe whispers, the second before she and The Retard are swallowed by the next commercial break.

Manor. Aftermath. Again. Some more. After bringing Piper up to speed on the latest Chrissssty abduction and The Triad's apparent involvement in same, Phoebe softly suggests, "This might be the fight that The Angel Of Destiny was talking about. If we win..." "...We could get [my big, icy Doltsicle] back," Piper finishes for her. After taking a moment to absorb all of that, Phoebe rises to announce that she intends to return to The Hagquarters to investigate Victor Webster likely role in this evening's proceedings. "You really think he'ssss part of thissss?" hisses The Retard. "YES!" Phoebe screams before vanishing from the parlor. Piper and The Retard exchange a few mutually reassuring words before the screen flares white to whisk us back down to...

...The Lair Of The Zar, where the still-unconscious Chrissssty's been bound, blindfolded, and placed in the center of an array of demonic Mystical Crysticals on the dirt floor. Zar and the hench-imp hover above her, puzzling about her identity. Zar quickly realizes she's more likely "an unsuspecting conduit" to the true Ultimate Power, just as Chrissssty slowly stirs herself awake. "So," Zar opens, "care to tell us what you know about The Ultimate Power?" Chrissssty pushes herself into sitting position with a grunt, and gets a faceful of zapping Crystical mojo for her trouble. "Spunky!" Zar perks as Chrissssty flops back to the dirt with a pained groan. Chrissssty writhes around for a bit while Zar slithers something wicked until the camera abruptly cuts to...

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