Charmed
Cheaper By The Coven

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: A
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Wiccaning II: The, Um, Wiccaning, Actually

Let this girl -- quick as a sneeze --
Stop this snit and quickly freeze.

In a fairly seamless blue-screen effect spoiled only by Jennifer Rhodes and James Read's somewhat off eyelines, Holly Marie Combs freezes in mid-tirade with her hands planted stubbornly on her hips. Grams and Daddy Dearest amusingly snipe at each other until Grams slumps into a chair in the dining room and from there hauls herself through another round of exposition. Long story short, the Ps remember their adult lives but have been otherwise reduced mentally to children as a result of the errant cloud of resentful mojo the spell sucked from the boys. Grams will remain in the Manor to work out a reversal spell while Victor has the Dolt orb the kids to Not!warts for their protection. Daddy Dearest glares for a bit at Grams's back as she passes from the dining room into the kitchen before he bellows "[DOLT]!" up at the ceiling.

Victor's voice ends up echoing through a chamber down in Hell, where we find the Dolt lurking in the shadows behind a harp -- yes, an actual harp -- awaiting the arrival of Charisma Carpenter. No, seriously. They finally broke down and hired one of Whedon's regulars for this show, and thank God they went with the uber-bitchy Cordelia, whom I've always liked, instead of Tubby Nimrod Xander or Irritatingly Twitchy Willow. Pity, though, that Carpenter's given so little to do, as we shall shortly see, and pity too that she chooses to play her role as a sort of Cordelia Lite. By the way, they've squeezed her into a midriff-baring, velvet harem-girl outfit in tones of deep purple, with slave bracelets and whatnot for accessories. She looks pretty damn good, and her boobs are yuge. Even money Alyssa Milano has her fired before November sweeps. In any event, Carpenter, once again playing some sort of seer, taunts the Dolt in a very Cordy-like fashion until the Dolt picks her up by her neck and hurls her across the floor. He demands she reveal who's after the Psycho. By way of response, she directs his attention to a large cast-iron birdbath in the center of the chamber. The bubbling silver liquid therein belches up a CGI representation of the Dolt's monster noggin. "Looks like the only threat to your son is you," Cordy croons before the Dolt hoists her into the air by her throat again, screaming, "That's a lie!" "The pool never lies," Cordy vows. DUN!

Manor. Grams and Piper share a lovely little scene that's beautifully played by the actresses involved, but it has very little to do with this evening's plot. Basically, Piper refuses to help with the reversal spell until Grams gently reminds her of the "witch talk" they had years ago before Grams and Patty bound the girls' powers, and Piper gets teary-eyed recounting everything she's lost over the years, so Grams hugs her a bit and strokes her hair, and it's all very sweet, but let's get back to the action, okay? Thanks. The Dolt orbs in from the Underworld, and both Grams and Victor are more than a bit shocked at his disheveled appearance. Things get snappish when Grams changes her mind about having him orb the kids to Not!warts, with the Dolt insisting that he's fine enough to protect his children, dammit, before grabbing Tiny Gay Chris from Daddy Dearest, latching onto the Psycho's arm with the other hand, and orbing on out of there. Piper throws a pouty little fit about the way they treat her husband before vanishing kitchenwards. Grams heaves a beleaguered sigh and curtly instructs Victor to fetch Phoebe while she herself goes in search of Raige. Daddy Dearest exercises his eyebrows for a bit before we cut over to...

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Charmed

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