Carrie Diaries
The Great Unknown

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B- | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Don't Blow It
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Couples update: Carrie and Sebastian are a thing, Maggie and Walt are not, but Walt and Donna are. Mouse, Tom, Dorrit and Larissa are all single that we know of. Starting out the show, Carrie is still dreaming of Interview Magazine, literally. In her dreams, there are Arabs and miniature ponies, and her hair looks less '80s. But Carrie isn't allowed to go to Manhattan anymore after she got busted dancing in the club. Maybe now she can actually go to some classes at her high school.

Without her career to think about, Carrie can focus on more important things like boys. We learn in the first few minutes that we were robbed of a Carrie Diaries Valentine's Day episode, which seems even more pivotal than say, a Thanksgiving episode. I guess we skipped Christmas and New Year's, too, come to think of it. Boooo.

Sebastian's black friend, Wes, walks by and calls the couple "KyddShaw," which can mean one of the two things. One: this show is blatantly ignoring that celebrity couple nicknames were not officially a thing until Bennifer, which was not in the '80s, or two: black people are, as ever, way ahead of the trends that white people don't catch on to until 20 years later.

To remind us that we're still in the '80s, Carrie and Sebastian walk up to Mouse, who is trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. Stealing a line from The Wedding Singer, Carrie deems those things "impossible," and says no one will ever solve it. Mouse says she has solved it and aims to do it again. Then, the black guy at school interrupts to get to his locker. He's wearing a varsity jacket so he's presumably a jock, which is why he has never seen a Rubik's Cube. It's totally not a race thing, or a socioeconomic thing. Wes is actually smart, and possibly a Rubik's Cube shark, as he solves the cube in a matter of seconds. An academic rivalry is born.

After school, we assume, Walt is giving Donna a massage. She says it's the best relationship ever, and Donna has dated a lot of people. She says usually she has to get all dressed up and wear lots of makeup and be pouty and flirty, but with Walt she can just be herself. Yes, Donna, this is one of the many benefits of having a metropolitan gay friend. They don't care about your boobs.

At the gym, A slutty aerobics instructor is hitting on Tom while he stretches for racquetball. I think this is the slutty girl at the gym Harlan was talking about on Thanksgiving. She invites Tom into her office/a massage parlor and starts kissing on him and moving ... ahem, down South. Tom probably just lets it happen.

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Carrie Diaries

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