What's Your Damage, Heather?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 6 USERS: B-
Blood In/Blood Out/La-La-La
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!


Sasha did a crazy dance, rendering everything else irrelevant.

I read an interview today that ASP did with the great Willa Paskin where basically she copped to everything that is berserk and disconcerting about this weird show, but then explained -- in definitively Michelle Simms-Flowers fashion -- that this simply does not matter.

"Yeah, our show is deranged and makes no sense and yeah, a girl did a crazy dance, but you know what? More shows should make less sense. More girls should do crazy dances. Television should be less satisfying for the audience, and more up my own butthole. I have earned it."

Also, I just realized that this show comes on after Secret Life* which makes so much sense: Our lead-in is also about people in a made-up world that don't act like people or talk like people and spend their days solving problems that aren't actually real problems and have never happened to a single person in all of our rich human history. If the people on that show had as little sex as they're constantly exhorting one another to do, which is zero, it still would be a thousand times less sexless than this show.

*(Intl. title These Sluts Won't Shut Up!)


Michelle is teaching the cutest pack of five-year-olds you ever did see, in green tutus and mouse ears, how to do some kind of a ballet dance. The cutest one -- Boo Jr., essentially -- finally asks if she can pee. But since this is Michelle we're talking about...

Michelle: "Ladies, Broadway is a motherfucker and you can't just go pee-pee whenever you want."
Girls: "But we are five."
Michelle: "Listen, Les Mis alone is three hours long, not to mention fucking terrible, and between the weird sex shit theater people get up to and the rest of my dissolute former existence, you won't have time to pee. Ever. That starts now."
Boo Jr.: "Uh, too late."

They run out, en masse, like ten adorable little girls in matching outfits, and Michelle tosses herself down next to Boo, who gives her the horrible news that Kelly Bishop is sitting another one out. I guess this is "pacing," I guess this is what we're calling the arc of the show, that after five weeks of repetitive and nonsensical non-reasons for Michelle to stay in this town, we're going to brute force it this way.

Michelle: "Hey, the premise of this show hasn't happened yet and the season's almost over. That's something a weird exercise in strangeness might do, instead of being a TV show."

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