Take The Vicuna

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: B | 2 USERS: A
So Who Is Hearing About A Vicuna For the First Time?
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We begin with Fanny leading class with just the girls. Ginny is snapping at Melanie; she's still upset that Cozette is infiltrating their circle. Fanny intermittently tells them to stop talking, but you know how the not talking thing goes in Paradise. It's a non-starter. Melanie says that she didn't tell her parents or Charlie about roller derby either. Heh. This doesn't work for Ginny. She switches partners to Boo and continues her rant. Boo luckily doesn't say anything at all. Then, Sasha joins their part of the dance. This must have been a real bitch to stage. Now, Ginny is dancing and raging about Cozette. Meanwhile, Melanie is apologizing to Cozette about Ginny's behavior, but all she says is "Who's Ginny?" That's not going to be helpful for her. Sasha wonders when they even met Cozette, because, well, they haven't. She's just THERE. The dance ends and Fanny tells a story about how she and some slut got in an argument when they were rehearsing. The moral of the story is that they both watched opening night from the concession stand in the lobby, which probably didn't have a great view. That's my guess. Man, they cram a lot into those first couple of minutes.

Here's Sasha shopping for household supplies. She's very good at comparison shopping, but she needs to learn to ask people for help when getting stuff on the high shelves and she needs to present her own bags before letting the poor guys who work them bag them with the plastic bags. At the "future site of the Millicent Stone Performing Art Center and the Paradise Dance Academy", Fanny and Michelle are taking Milly on a tour, though she is preoccupied with a bossy phone convo. Apparently, surveyors have been there and the future stage has been blocked out. The girls are dancing on their future stage. Milly wants the stage bigger, which includes more time and more lights. Fanny and Michelle are worried that it's getting too expensive, but Milly thinks that it's important so that everything remain beautiful at the ballet. I must say, that is the RADDEST reference this show has ever made. As someone who knows every breath from the Original Cast Recording of A Chorus Line (what's it to you?), this warmed a very happy place inside of me. Fanny commends Michelle for getting Milly involved in the venture, and then tells her that her shirt makes her look like a freeway underpass. Yikes. Fanny manages to manipulate Milly into paying for new costumes and usher uniforms, though Michelle foreshadows that she's going to have to give something back. Michelle says, "As long as the lady's paying, why not take the vicuna?" Now, I'm guessing she means a vicuna fur? Wow, I don't really usually have problems like this, but I mean, I have never heard such a reference in my life. Well done? I love that there are always dancers in the background on this show. The boys are about to start their class.

Scotty and Michelle are about to go on a trip. They're going to Burning Man? Wow. Michelle seems reticent, but I think she would actually be a real hit at Burning Man. He wants it to be like the trips that they used to take, but Michelle tells him that their mother would lie to them about going on trips. They never went anywhere. She would just drive the car around until they went to sleep. On the one hand, that's pathological. On the other, it's kind of ingenious.

Sasha is trying to get her utilities hooked up, but is having a problem seeing as how she doesn't have her own credit card -- just her parents'. We find out she has never been to a bank before. I guess that's not impossible. She seems to be doing a really good job of managing all of this stuff. She describes how great her apartment is and says that people who cover hardwood floors with carpet deserve their own poorly decorated section of hell. Um, seconded! I feel like that's the cruelest thing that the 70's wrought. Melanie comes in and things are still chilly between her and Ginny. Sasha hands out invites to her housewarming party (she's kind of making me feel inferior now) but Ginny says that she won't come if Cozette is there and Melanie says that she won't come if Ginny's not there. So, a frustrated Sasha introduces herself to Cozette and tells her that they should have coffee some time, in lieu of a housewarming party invite. Afterwards, she asks Kim and Khloe if they are done fighting. Heh.

Fanny is trying to teach Michelle about Burning Man, but all she wants to know is if there is a bathroom or not. I'm really shocked that she lived in Vegas and didn't know about Burning Man. Fanny reminisces about Woodstock and how someone left a baby in her bag. She left the baby at the lost baby table, because that happened a lot that weekend. Then, they covered their hardwood floors with carpet. Fanny finds some Burning Man photos that are probably of naked glitter-covered fairies. She's scandalized. Milly comes in to watch a rehearsal. And so it begins.

Roman shows up at the studio. Apparently Sasha has been ignoring him. Roman wears his eyeliner even in the daytime. I don't know if he gains or loses power from doing that. I do know that there is something really tender about the actor who plays Roman. Meanwhile, after a very funny Cabaret reference, Sleeping Beauty music begins. This was the song in the Disney movie and I was obsessed with it as a child. Milly starts taking notes, which infuriates Fanny. God, I love that the actresses are such good dancers! After they're finished, Milly starts giving notes. Her first is that everyone should be wearing tutus. Oh my. She also wonders where the Seven Dwarves are. Fanny is getting heated. She tells Milly that she's not Scott Rudin and this isn't a Johnny Depp movie. So Milly decides that she's going to call her lawyers and get her money back.

At Sasha's housewarming, Michelle brings Scotty. Also food, because she doesn't think that Sasha will have enough. Oh, Michelle. Get to know her. The apartment looks amazing. Michelle and Scotty are amazed. The girls are in the kitchen and Sasha is following a Martha Stewart recipe. A girl after my own heart. Brief, humiliating story: Once, I was at a party with Martha Stewart and I showed her a picture of the hors d'oeuvres I made for a baby shower that I threw and completely used her hors d'oeuvres book (yes, a book completely filled with hors d'oeuvres recipes -- it's a very special book) because one of the things I made was a bread box filled with tea sandwiches made from bread that was in the box originally. HOMEMADE BREAD. Pullman loaves! This isn't easy stuff, people. And I'm not really one to talk to celebrities, but the people I was with kind of pressured me, so I showed her. Her response? "Are you a caterer?" Now, written down, that almost seems like a compliment, but I took it as her suggesting that I was talking business at a party, which would have been fairly poor form. So, I said no as if she'd kind of slapped me. Then, she said, "Oh, so you were just having fun." And that made me feel like she wasn't taking me seriously, so I just turned around and walked away. In sort of a huff. It was ridiculous. Then I called my mom and maybe had to be asked if I was crying. I wasn't, but she asked. Whatever, that was the worst.

Sasha shows Michelle and Scotty around her apartment and we see that she has a barre installed in her room. She says that it seems like something serious Michelle would do. Michelle discusses escape routes for Sasha in case of home invaders. Scotty says that he thinks it's cute and dangerous that Sasha looks up to her so much. I guess that's true, but he's such a downer for her sometimes. Michelle has a moment at the barre where it looks like she's remembering herself as a dancer. I wonder if they're going to go further with that. We've gotten a few hints that the performer in Michelle has not been completely satisfied.

At the end of the party, Sasha wants the girls to spend the night but they can't because their parents are freaked about there being no adult supervision. Michelle advises Sasha to not get suck

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