It's Not a Mint

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: A- | 1 USERS: B+
Backdraft En Pointe

The next morning, Michelle is trying to run ballet class while Truly is bothering her with swatches and questions about the dresses that she is going to make for them. Bothersome but at least Truly seems to have ditched that tendency to treat Michelle like the enemy. I have to say, there's a young man in the middle of class who is a half-step off for the entire combination. I blame Truly.

Suddenly, Bash the angry barista enters and blows a whistle. He asks where Fanny is, and the answer is out of the country, apparently. So much information passes through this show that I don't feel like a total idiot for missing a thing or two and there are no such thing as stupid questions except the one that goes unasked, therefore...did we hear about Fanny leaving the COUNTRY? Is she joking? I mean, it seems that with the money problems it's a little irresponsible to just pick up on a whim and leave the country. I mean, I guess they're close to Mexico. Maybe that's where she gets her botox, which I guess would ultimately be a cost-cutting measure. Anyway, there's a fire north of the city and Bash is there (wearing a cap that reads "CAP") because he is an evacuation captain and the studio is an evacuation shelter. He gives Michelle a CAP cap but her head is too big. This is just another way that Sutton Foster and I are soul siblings. Looks like Michelle is a captain too.

Bash runs through where everything is being set up for the evacuation. He suggests that make sleeping assignments, because the "young unmarrieds" shouldn't intermingle at sleep time. He's afraid of orgies. He gives her a walkie-talkie, which excites her. He promises to share a bottle of champagne with her if she does a good job. She says that she feels very incentivized, which I love. They start to run the check-in table, but Bash won't give Michelle any authority. She tries to check in Melanie (who is taking a bunch of pictures) and Ginny, but Bash says that they go in his line. Michelle has everyone whose last name ends in X-Z. Wha? Logic like that is why people have to wait for so long for a coffee. Eventually he relents and lets her help.

Dez starts talking to Melanie but she's pretty rude in return. Boo talks to Sasha about Roman. She says that he's "Yowza" which makes Sasha call her Louise Brooks. Jeff the waiter and Carl check in at the same time. Apparently, Jeff has a screener of Hope Springs which he considers the most underrated film of the past year. OK, that's weird. I mean, me and Meryl are tight but no. If we're talking awards, and I guess we are now because I just brought them up, the most underrated film of the year was Pitch Perfect. If we're talking anything it was the most underrated film of the year because it was the best film of last year and like probably fourteen other years. Anyway, Carl loves Hope Springs too and he and Jeff do dueling Tommy Lee Jones impressions. All they have is a pretty good knowledge of some of the lines he has spoken. There is NOTHING in their dialects that suggest Tommy Lee Jones. I mean, I can't do one either, but I'm better than that. I'm actually pretty good at Sissy Spacek (doing Loretta Lynn) talking TO Tommy Lee Jones in Coal Miner's Daughter. How Cloud Atlas is that? "Doo, stop a-makin' that noise. Ya sound like a-bigga bar."

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