A Nutcracker In Paradise

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: B
Maybe This Time

Bunhead: "You know I'm only twelve, right? So you're being pretty gross."

Ginny is, of course, using up all her words she'd usually be sharing with Melanie, but it all comes to naught when Charlie drives up and they realize the weirdness is still going to be weird. All of which can be solved by them realizing that this problem is still not a problem.


Fanny is dressed so amazing! I don't even know. Like something Spencer Hastings would wear, I can't even describe it. She's like this Tallulah Bankhead man-maestro, or a turn-of-the-century cross-dressing spy on a transatlantic voyage. Is she playing Drosselmeyer? I bet that's it, actually. Whatever is going on, it's fabulous.

Fanny, spazzing: "I'm too old for this crap!"
Michelle: Yeah."
Fanny: "The hell?"
Michelle: "Just sit down and let me fix your lashes. You're coming up on Boo eyebrow territory."
Fanny: "Would you look at that. I must have been looking this crazy for hours."
Everybody: Mentions the A/C like a million times.

Michelle produces a flowered dufflebag -- you know how I feel about giant purses, this is exactly why -- explaining that it's her "Zombie Apocalypse Vegas Slut Bag," i.e., everything you need in every situation, from Power Bars to flaxseed oil. She points out the boob tape, the condoms and handcuffs -- "You're like an X-rated Mary Poppins!" -- and the Band-Aids, the rape whistle, the burner phone (?), the "lipstick case you can hide some cyanide in" (???), and of course, the "Pretty Mace."

Michelle: "Comes in a pretty little shiny bottle that if I pulled it out would say to the zombie apocalypse mugger, Don't be afraid of my pretty shiny bottle. It won't do anything ... but blind you!"

And yes, this is just the same Bunheads problem in a new, ever-evolving form -- bullshit you have a burner phone in there, give me a break -- but just as with the other stuff, it just somehow works.

Maybe the show finally made me crazy, I don't know. There'd be no way for me to know that.

Fanny flees the nonstop crazy banter, and just as she's making the announcement, fifteen minutes to curtain, Michelle pulls her up short.

Michelle: "Fanny? The show's going to be great."

Fanny grins cutely, nearly blows her a kiss, and sets off into the house.

Ginny & Melanie: Are bitches to each other.

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