A Nutcracker In Paradise

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: B
Maybe This Time

Rico: Is a weirdo burnout.

Melanie and Ginny are dressed in their sexy ballet cop uniforms, while Boo looks like the eldest daughter of a ranch owner; they are sick of pressing the flesh for this fundraiser and shaking the various gross hands of Paradise.

Melanie: "Carl? I think I saw him under the sink."
Ginny: "Melanie!"
Melanie: "That wasn't a short joke. He was literally under the sink, he must've dropped something. I didn't say he was living under the sink. God."

The Ringer chases Sasha -- dressed in Clara's nightgown -- through the fundraiser, and Ginny and Melanie smother Carl with horrible friendliness.

Bunheads: "Any plans for the summer?"
Carl: "Uh, camp?"
Bunheads: "S'mores! Awesome!"
Carl: "Yeah, I'm going to go now."
Melanie: "Bye Carl! You're way taller than Prince!"
Ginny: "Man, that was hard."
Melanie: "I think I actually pulled something..."

Charlie and his douchebag friends enter, of course. Melanie and Ginny have a momentary glitch, but don't worry. Everything's fine, Melanie and Charlie are disgusting and vicious with each other, God's in his heaven; Charlie invites Ginny to skulk elsewhere with him.

Michelle hits up Fanny and Michael for praise about the fundraiser, and Michael lets it slip that Fanny was super proud of her.

Fanny: "Don't tell her that!"
Michelle: "What else?"
Michael: "That you'd be over here in a minute, fishing for compliments. I said you were too good for that."

Fanny loves it; settles into the crook of his arm. Michelle notices Boo staring at the table and goes to take care of her.

Boo: "I totally blew it with Carl. I didn't even realize I liked him and now he won't talk to me."
Michelle: "You hurt his feelings, Boo. You did the damage, now you have to make it right. So get over there and make it right."

She returns to Fanny, having solved yet one more problem, and the look of self-satisfaction on her face scares Fanny to death. Given the preceding nine episodes, it's not exactly an unlikely response... Especially once Boo takes to the stage. Oh no. Oh, no no no. Boo, get down. I find you kind of mortifying on a good day, and now you're dressed like Prairie Dawn and about to do something dreadful. Oh boy. Oh boy, Boo.

"I'd like to take this opportunity to say something ... here ... in front of a lot of people. It's humiliating, and I deserve to be humiliated. Carl? I like you. You're great, and I think you're hot. And I am such a dope! A big stupid slobbering moron..."

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