A Nutcracker In Paradise

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: B
Maybe This Time

Sasha & Ringer: Are bitches to each other.
Ginny & Melanie: Are bitches to each other.
Everybody: Mentions the A/C a few more times.

Ginny: "Who are you to talk about dating? Who have you ever dated, except your cousin?"
Melanie: "He wasn't my cousin! I only called his mom aunt because we're close!"

Michelle breaks 'em up, but thankfully not before that last little bit. Just great stuff.


Herr Drosselmeyer Fanny comes out, whipping her purple-lined cape around and being amazing in everybody's face, then the incroyables and merveilleuses, and finally Clara -- thankfully, it's Sasha -- and they start the story in earnest. Were you really wondering how much of this shit they would actually put onscreen? Just enough that it's fun.

Inside, everybody's hot, so Michelle runs down the line of dancers to cool them down... with the Pretty Mace. And then also herself. Everybody screams and freaks --

Boo: "My eyes are melting!"

-- but because Sasha is magnificent, she drags everybody back out on the floor, blind. What follows is a horror, ballerinas running into walls, writhing, tripping over each other, backstage and onstage both... Michelle calling out for Sasha ("Marco? Polo!") and finally the Ringer, taking Sasha's place onstage among the shrieking, choking, sobbing, vomiting, blind and wretched human wreckage, dances all alone. Even as the ambulances arrive, and the parents call for backup, and the building is evacuated, the Ringer continues to dance, and dance, and dance.

...And that, my friends, is what Bunheads could be. Never in my most hopeful mood, or fucked up on drugs, or both, could I have come up with that. Hats off.


Melanie: "How are your eyes?"
Ginny: "The left one's back. I hate Charlie."
Melanie: "Heh. Me too."

Whatever. Maybe I missed something. [Charlie had another girl in the car when he showed up at the dance school. - Angel] I'm not going back to find out. I hate Charlie too, it's not that complicated an idea.

Michelle: "Katrina? Stephanie? Anna Maria? Anna Maria? Anna Maria?"
Boo: "You know, we don't actually have an Anna Maria."
Michelle: "No? Who's the girl I call Anna Maria?"
Boo: "That's Casey."
Michelle: "Hey, Casey. You can't go four months letting someone call you Anna Maria."

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