Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C- | 7 USERS: A-
Willow needs to spank her inner moppet

Which brings us to the woods. Trees tremble in Willow's presence. Warren runs. See Warren run. Willow stalks. See Willow stalk. Wait a second. Warren got Rack to fix up the 'bot with his essence to throw Willow off his trail, and put the 'bot on a bus out of town, so he could attempt to leave Sunnydale on foot, instead of maybe hopping an immediately departing international flight to anywhere? Moron. Willow monotone threatens, "Run all night, Warren. I'll still find…" An axe in the back apparently. Commercial.

Warren stares at Willow's prone body as it…rises. Willow pulls the axe out of her own back, and I'm more impressed that she was able to get the leverage to do that than I am that she survived it. What follows is the clunkiest line of dialogue on Buffy EVER. "Axe is not gonna cut it," grits Willow. Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the goddamned camel! Could someone please remind the staff that they are professional writers? Warren takes off running, and Willow gives chase. Warren pulls a cube out of his backpack and activates it. It flies off to find Willow, and as soon as it gets right next to her, it explodes. Time slows down enough for Willow to not only notice that something is exploding but also to say, "Freeze" before the blast radius is halfway complete. The explosion turns harmlessly into ice that shatters to the touch. Warren runs. Thinks he's safe, but then runs headlong into Willow. He starts to literally and figuratively backpedal, claiming, "It was an accident, you know." Willow doesn't even sound interested as she zombies, "Oh, you mean instead of killing my best friend, you killed my girlfriend." Well, yeah. That about sums it up. Warren runs, and Willow zaps him in the back with some lightning. He then throws some glob of goo at her that slows her down for a whole five seconds before she melts it with her eyes. Willow says something in Latin, or that's what I'm assuming. Whenever I hear a language on Buffy that I don't recognize and isn't being spoken by a demon, I just assume it's Latin. Either way, it's all Greek to me. Heh. The trees throw out tendrils that grab Warren's wrists and ankles and hold him spread-eagled.

Willow approaches Warren, who has the gall or presence of non-mind to tell her that she's "really asking for it," and furthermore, he's going to make her "beg to go join [her] little girlfriend." For some reason not at all discernable to any kind of logic we employ on this planet, this makes Willow realize that Tara wasn't the first person that Warren has murdered. Warren tries to play dumb. Of course, that's not really a stretch for a guy who has just seen the enraged lover of the girl he shot pull an axe out of her own back and still thinks that he has any chance of making it to sunrise. Willow spits, "Reveal!" and lo, there is a vision of Katrina. Who serves no purpose whatsoever, although I am happy to see her (even dead and wearing gray lipstick) because she's a cool chica. Katrina does make Warren a little uncomfortable, and he finally flips out when she asks him, "How could you say you loved me and then do that to me?" Survey says! "Because you deserved it, bitch." Five! Five magnificent uses of the word "bitch" for our "Bitch" Counter. Anyway, Warren obviously has woman issues. Which I'm not going to go into, because they bore me. God, this scene, which by all rights should be electric, leaves me somnolent. Willow? Monotone is not synonymous with eeeevil. Warren? You are tied up and at the mercy of a very powerful witch whose girlfriend you accidentally killed in an attempt to kill her best friend. Have the decency to ACT like you might be a little frightened. And no, bouncing up and down like the soles of your shoes are made from recycled super-balls does NOT qualify.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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