Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Villains

Episode Report Card
Ace: C- | 7 USERS: A-
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Willow needs to spank her inner moppet

Sunnydale police station. Jonathan and Andrew are locked in a cell, sniping at each other. Jonathan indicates a burly man in the next cell and says he thinks the guy wants to make him "his butt monkey," but Andrew scoffs that Burly Man is just in for parking violations. Jonathan is freaked that prison rapists like "the small ones with little hands like their girlfriends." Andrew tells him to "chill" because Warren is going to free them any minute. Jonathan is skeptical, and then they drift into their little nerd fantasyland for a second, talking about WarGames. "I miss Ferris Matthew [Broderick]. Broadway Matthew -- I find him cold." Jonathan doesn't agree, but then remembers that he and Andrew have real problems to deal with, like the fact that Andrew's aunt never responded to his one phone call. Jonathan growls about how Andrew and Warren were going to "fly off and leave [him] holding the bag," and Andrew cracks me up (a little) by very insincerely saying, "I was going to…carry you." He flops back down on the bunk. Jonathan snides that the "nice murderer" Warren was going to ditch him and then ditch Andrew too, but Andrew doesn't want to hear it. "He's coming for us," delusions Andrew. "He's out there right now devising a brilliant way to get us out of here." Oh yeah, suuuure. And the sun will come out tomorrow, Little Orphan Andrew.

The nice murderer in question has decided to don a sharp suit and jaunt his way into a bar, not a thought in his mind about the location of his erstwhile partners in crime. Warren tells the demon behind the bar that he's "feeling expansive," so he buys a round for the bar. He then sits down, doffs his sunglasses, and starts to make small talk with the vampire next to him. The vamp isn't too interested in Warren, as he's busy "watching [his] program," which appears to be a nature show on crocodiles. Warren shuts up for a millisecond, but can't wait to crow loudly about how he's the man who just killed the Slayer. That catches the vampire's interest, and he's ready to hear more. Leading up to his big moment, Warren explains, "I've been heading an organization. The Trio? You've heard about us." "Uh, no," demurs the vamp. Warren brushes it off as not that important and saying he ditched two-thirds of his trio and, now that "Buffy's out of the picture," he's ready to get a real gang. The bartender seems a little skeptical that Warren actually managed to off the Slayer, and asks if he's a warlock. Nope, Warren has "explored all the dark arts," but in the end, found a gun to be most effective in ridding the world of Buffy. "You killed the Slayer with a gun?" snickers the vampire, and then he and the bartender begin to laugh. Warren says that yep, he did. Killed her in her own backyard. He babbles on about the effectiveness of science as the bar patrons laugh more and more. Warren is riding high on the good feelings and cheers, "The town is ours!" "Ours, maybe," agrees the vampire, "You are screwed." The barkeep makes a crack about being a good shot, and Warren finally realizes, "This isn't the evil laugh of victory, is it?" He wants to know what the hell everyone finds so funny, and the vampire tells him that the news just featured a story about a young woman shot in her own backyard. "She survived. She's in the hospital," says the barkeep, and reminds Warren, "Slayers heal fast. Real fast." Warren swallows nervously and looks like he's about to pee his pants. The vampire advises him to run and run fast, because the Slayer will be after him "big-time."

Willow blasts in through the front door of Der Zauber Kasten. All the light bulbs in the place explode as she strides by. She turns to Goodwife Anya, who's behind the counter sporting the latest in Pilgrim-inspired fashion -- a black top with a wide white Peter Pan collar and cuffs. Willow wants the "black arts books," and Anya says that although she acknowledges "something terrible has happened," she won't let Willow have the books. Willow freezes Anya with a wave of her hand and then uses magic to call all the black arts books down off the mezzanine. Hey, just where we were at the end of last season when Willow went all "I. Owe. You. Pain," after Tara got brain-sucked by Glory. No wonder I was feeling so very deja-vu. Season Seven! Willow freaks out and goes all black magic in Episode 20 when something happens to her girlfriend! It's new! Different! Something you've never seen before! Except, like, the past two years. The books flutter down to the table like a flock of evil birds, and Willow goes to them. A few volumes are open on top of the pile, and she plunges her hands into one of them. The lettering from the pages flows and wraps up her skin, sliding up her arms, under her shirt, and finally up over her face. This is one of the nicest effects in an episode that relies heavily in special effects, most of which fail tragically. As the lettering glides over Willow's eyes, they go black; the lettering then continues to scroll up over her forehead and through her hair, which also turns inky dark. "That's better," husks Willow in a voice much deeper than usual, as Anya looks on, horrified.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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