Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C- | 7 USERS: A-
Willow needs to spank her inner moppet

Previously on Buffy: Buffy wouldn't sleep with Spike again, but Tara and Willow had no problems in that department. Buffy bashed Warren's balls, and The "Bitch" Count for this hour of TV went from zero to two in three seconds. Spike was a bad, bad man in Buffy's bathroom, and then did a Pike (sans Buffy). Warren took his Second Amendment rights a little too far.

An ambulance speeds through the streets of Sunnydale, then pulls up in front of the Summers house. Xander runs out of the side yard to guide the paramedics to Buffy's body, and I know I should be all involved in the drama here, but since the preview last week already showed Buffy up and mobile, I'm not feeling the suspense. Instead, I spent most of this scene snickering at one of the paramedic extras' nasty moustache and trying to see if the other one, who has cool hair, is cute. One minute and thirty seconds after the episode starts, and they've lost me already. Xander watches the extras as they start to work on Buffy.

Upstairs, Willow sobs and caresses Tara's face, refusing to accept that her girlfriend is dead. With some whistling noises, the room darkens and the ceiling is obscured by swirling storm clouds. During the heyday of the prairie look, I was in eighth grade and had a shirt a lot like Willow's. Without the blood spatters, of course. But with more satin ribbon detailing. It occurs to me that the bloodstains might have been a better look. Willow, all with the solid black eyes, commands Osiris to bring Tara back.

Ooh! The non-mustachioed extra is kinda cute! Uh, I mean Buffy is in mortal danger; her "lung sounds are wet." Xander frets, and Moustache tells him to back off. Buffy blinks.

Oh, Jesus. My cat just yakked up all of her breakfast right in front of the TV! I choose to interpret that as her editorial comment on this episode, and I have to concur. Now she's lying on the floor glaring at me. Sorry -- contractually obligated to continue recapping, Frances. You'll just have to be patient. And stop spewing that freaky yellow bile. Recapping keeps you in kibble and Petromalt.

Willow bosses Osiris around some more and then says please. Osiris isn't too charmed, and tells her that Tara cannot be brought back to life because she died a "human death by humans means." Can't get back someone who was taken by "natural order," unless of course it was last season and you were Dawn and you managed to raise your mother, who died of a brain aneurysm, from the dead. Willow screams, "Noooooooo," and a rippling force shoots out of her mouth and zaps Osiris, who vanishes. Oh, the heartbreak of halitosis! Maybe Willow and Buffy should've tried using bad breath on that other pesky hell god they had to fight?

The medic extras roll Buffy's gurney into the front yard, followed by Xander. He runs into Willow on the front walk. Xander seems to register that Willow is bloody because he asks if she's okay, but he seems too shocked for it to really sink in. Willow's eyes are back to normal and she simply asks, "How did this happen?" Xander replies that Warren was the shooter, and Willow zombies, "Warren…" before taking off down the street. Xander calls after her, but then has to hop in the ambulance to accompany Buffy to the hospital.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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