Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tough Love

Episode Report Card
Ace: C+ | 2 USERS: B
Scenes from a passport office
Previously on Buffy: Glory, Dawn, the Key, blah blah. Actually, I'm tired of typing these things out. Read the recaps if you don't know what's happened this season.

After an establishing shot of UC Sunnydale, we see Buffy enter a classroom where a professorial type is struggling with a slide projector. As he fiddles with his slot (not like that, gutter-brains!), Buffy apologizes for missing class and then offers to help free the stuck slide. She tells him she is dropping out of school because she needs to look after her sister. The professor offers his condolences about Joyce and signs Buffy's paperwork. What follows is an excruciatingly long (over two minutes, people! 4.44 percent of the airtime, not counting commercials) scene in which Buffy apologizes for dropping the class and tries to assure the instructor that she really does love poetry. She finally frees the slide, which flies across the room, and I spend the duration of this seemingly endless scene wondering what sort of slides a poetry instructor would be showing in the first place. Droning filler, fillery droning.

As we hear Buffy saying, "Hopefully, I'll be back next semester, when I'm more myself again," we see Ben hurry his diminutive brown-clad ass into the hospital. There, Scully's mean older brother Bill, who has dropped the Navy career and become a doctor, fires Ben for not showing up to work for two weeks. Sounds like one of Ash's employees. He recently had an student worker waltz in after a three-week absence with no explanation! People these days have no work ethic. Why, back in my day -- oops, codger attack. On with the Ben stuff. Bantam-sized Ben protests that his absence is not his fault, but Bill's a Navy hard-ass and advises Ben to take responsibility for his actions. Don't take him up on that advice, Ben. The Buffy-verse is apparently a place where taking responsibility for your actions is highly overrated. Just ask Anya, Spike, and Willow, to name a few. Ben blazes off to the staff lockers, where he throws his stuff into a box, ranting to Glory that she's ruining his life. Oops! Shouldn't name She Who Used To Be Nameless, because suddenly Glory manifests in Ben's place. "I'm hungry," she drones, beetling her brows. Worst Buffy teaser ever? I'm not sure and don't have the time to do the research, but this is sure one teaser that doesn't deserve the name. We weren't teased about a damn thing.

Taco Bell eatin' supermodels; Jennifer Lopez still trying to act; creepy ad featuring creepy Liv Tyler (or a Liv Tyler look-alike, which is scary in and of itself) and her creepy lips giving head to a lipstick and swanning about vapidly; the return of Mr. T. I hate commercials. I have got to buy myself that Tivo Sep has been trying to push on me.

Glory's apartment. Glory's taking a bubble bath while three blindfolded minions attend her. She gives the cold, bubbly shoulder to Not-Dreg and One-Million-Light-Years-From-Dreg, probably because they messed up the Spike-torturing incident. The poor Dreg substitutes attempt some toadying, but Glory snaps, "How 'bout you shut up and listen to me, you disgusting little fools!" I never, ever thought I'd say this, but: "Go, Glory!" Ech, now I feel unclean. Her Most UnScary, Nonthreatening Ineffectiveness uncorks her usual bottle of Eau d'Rant About The Key and gives the room a liberal sprinkling. Do you think Glory is seeking the Key? I mean, I've been watching this show all season and I'm still not clear if it's the Key that Glory really wants. It's so vague -- it seems possible she's actually looking for a ham sandwich, or a really good glass cleaner that doesn't leave streaks. WE GET IT, JOSS AND CO.! WE REALLY, REALLY DO! Glory petulantly instructs the minions to tell her all they discovered last week so she can decide which of Buffy's companions is the Key.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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