Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Freshman

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 3 USERS: B-
The Freshman

You know what's the worst thing about re-watching an episode from when it first aired? The advertisements for movies I never wanted to spend even one second thinking about again. Three to Tango, I'm looking in your direction.

A cadre of vampires rushes into an unidentified dorm room and clears out all of the stuff. One of them leaves a note on the bed.

The next day Buffy looks for Eddie after Psych class, worried that he isn't there. She makes her way to his old dorm room, and some random guy, maybe Eddie's RA, is telling Buffy that a couple of kids every semester just pack up and leave. He concludes with, "Weak ones, I guess." What kind of insensitive freak is this guy? Wouldn't he assume that Buffy would be a friend of Eddie's? What sort of person would tell a person whose friend just disappeared or dropped out that the friend is "weak"? As much as I'd like to put this on my List of Completely Unbelievable Things, I can't, because my faith in humanity is that low. Buffy ponders the note that Eddie left and sets it on his night stand. The drawer is ajar and she sees the outline of an object. She pulls the drawer open to reveal Of Human Bondage and the camera focuses on her face with its Something Is Not Right Here expression.

Cut to Sunday's lair. Look, I could pretend that I don't know who the blond vampire is, but we both know that this episode aired months ago, so I find it pretty pointless. Various vampires are going through loot, and if my closed captioning were working I might be able to supply some names. Sunday is flipping through CDs and pronouncing them all boring: "We have to kill some cooler people." Snerk. Montana Vampire (she resembles Montana from Real World Boston, and I've always thought of Montana as an evil soulless creature so that's why I chose the moniker) is trying on a purple sweater and asking Sunday if it makes her look fat. "No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple," Sunday answers. Tee hee. Stoner Vamp interrupts their bickering to hold up a poster that's folded so we can't see what it is. Sunday asks if it's a Klimt and Stoner Vamp reveals that it is. He walks over to staple it on a wall that is covered with Klimt and Monet posters. Stoner Vamp: "Monet still well in the lead, but look out for Team Klimt coming from behind." Sunday: "Freshmen -- they're so predictable." Sep: "Bwahahahaha!" Montana Vamp complains that she's hungry and Stoner Vamp acts stupid, which leads Sunday to comment, "I gotta get me some better lackeys. I swear you guys are useless. I shouldn't even take you on the hunt," as she strides out of the room. Montana Vamp says, "Great. Why don't you let dead Eddie get your dinner." "That's pretty much the plan," Sunday calls over her shoulder as the camera rests on Eddie and his eyes fly open.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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