Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Freshman

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 3 USERS: B-
The Freshman

It's nighttime in the World's Largest Dorm Room and Kathy is making snoring smacky noises and disturbing Buffy.

Daytime. We're in a large lecture hall as a nameless Professor is telling us that the point of Intro to Popular Culture is not to watch movies for credit. Buffy leans over to ask her classmate if he knows if the class is full yet. The Professor tells her to stand up and asks her to share her thoughts with the class. The fact that the Professor would hear Buffy's whisper from down at the podium makes it onto my List of Unbelievable Things at number four. Buffy explains that she was inquiring if the class was full yet. Professor Prig picks up his clipboard and says, "If your name is not on this sheet you are wasting everyone's time. Is your name on this sheet?" Buffy says it isn't and starts to say something else, but Professor Prig interrupts her with, "Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room," and tells her to get out. A dejected Buffy mumbles, "I didn't mean to suck," and makes her way to the end of the aisle but Professor Prig isn't satisfied and screams, "LEAVE!" at her, thereby making his debut on my List at number five. I've attended many a college and university and I have never seen such a display. That type of instructional immaturity is usually reserved for the high-school level.

Buffy is making her way down the hall and meets up with Riley, who directs her to the room for Psych. Buffy asks after his head, but Riley doesn't remember her at first; then he can only place her as "Willow's friend." Ouch. That must be the first time that's happened to Buffy! Riley claims that his head is fine. Needless to say, I strongly disagree with that statement. As they enter the room, Riley states, "We're here." Wow, thank you for telling me that, Captain Obvious. Buffy sits by Willow and lies to her about Pop Culture, saying that she found it dull and decided not to take it. In strides Professor Walsh, introducing herself and the class as, "Psych 105: Intro to Psychology." An intro course at a state school numbered 105? Hey, I think we found number six for The List! Professor Walsh talks tough some more and Buffy looks worried.

Cut to Buffy walking across campus by herself at night. Spooky music plays and owls hoot as she looks around and then runs right into a boy who doesn't look quite human to me. The boy apologizes in a voice completely devoid of cadence or any variation in pitch. Buffy and Mr. Monotone bond over both being lost. We learn that Mr. Monotone's real name is Eddie. Eddie's shirt sleeves are way too short, so short I'm having trouble concentrating on the dialogue. Fortunately all they're doing is trying to find Fisher Hall on Eddie's map. They set off together and pointless small talk ensues. Finally something in Eddie's appearance and voice click, and I decide to stop picking on him because it must have been terribly difficult for an autistic child to attend university. Buffy and Eddie discuss how difficult college is, and Buffy wishes aloud that she still had a security blanket. Eddie breaks in with Of Human Bondage, and asks Buffy if she's read it. Buffy cracks me up by saying that she's "not really into porn." Mr. Monotone corrects her and waxes philosophic about his obsession with the book. ["I actually went out and bought Of Human Bondage to read after this episode first aired. Oh, I just realized that this admission makes me look like a huge freak. Oh well." -- Ace] Buffy reaches her destination and turns to go, but not before they agree that they should meet up again. Touching music plays as Eddie turns to go the opposite direction but is grabbed from behind by a vamp. The camera focuses on two more vamps, who part to let a vamp with long blonde hair through (who looks surprising like Helen Hunt in her freaky overdone mascara she wore the Oscars). The blond vampire cocks her head to the side and says, "I'm sorry. Did you lose your way?"

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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